Wedding Workers and Bridal Parties Share The Craziest Moments They’ve Witnessed

People get stressed (and sometimes maybe even a little snappy) in certain situations. Weddings are supposed to be fun, exciting, and yet somehow still relaxing for everyone, especially the bride and groom. However, if things don’t go just right, someone is usually bound to make it clear they’re unhappy with the situation. It’s not always (but is usually) the bride who speaks up first….

Wedding vendors like photographers, florists, and DJs work with couples all the time. Sometimes, they get lucky and have a chance to work with an easy-going bride and groom. These professionals still need to be careful, though, because chances are, the bride has a maid of honor, mother, or mother-in-law behind her being even pickier and bossier than she is. These wedding professionals dished on the craziest things they’ve seen at their jobs.

Watch Out for Bridezilla

My friend was a bridesmaid at a wedding where the bride made rules and demanded that nobody cut their hair or even gain any bit of weight before the big day. All their hairstyles had to be the exact same length and style as hers. She even felt the need to control every aspect of everything they seemed to do…. 

The maid of honor had enough of her behavior one day and made the decision to drop out of the bridal party a few weeks before the big event. My friend said she only stayed because she felt sorry for the bride. It’s obvious that the bride probably didn’t have any real female friends. I wonder why that could be. Reddit User: AmyDiaz99

Bridezilla Comes Out

My friend wasn’t that bad, but I had really short hair when I was invited to her wedding and she “jokingly” told me to grow it out. I know fake jokes when I hear them. At first, it was that we all had to have matching dresses (of course, traditional, not too bad). That’s it, she said. Everything else can be different…. 

Then matching shoes, matching jewelry, and makeup. It finally became matching hairstyles too. Not the same length, but my short hair would not have worked. She slowly asked for more out of us as the months went by. She had to have a picture-perfect dream wedding. She wasn’t mean at all, just strict. I had a lot of fun that day in all. Reddit User: soadfreak1214

Rotten Sister

I was my sister’s maid of honor. During a peak planning time, our aunt, her godmother, passed away. I kept trying to get in touch with my sister all day that day. When I finally reached her, I explained that I had been trying to speak with her all day to let her know that our aunt had died. I got blasted about how busy she was.…

Then she ripped into me about where I stood with my tasks. She was pretty rotten the day of the wedding, too. The best was two years later; I’m getting married, and she’s screaming at me over the phone how I didn’t help her, forced her to buy a dress she didn’t want, and let her florist ruin her flowers. We’re not close. Reddit User: [redacted]

Evil Mother-in-Law 

My step brother’s wife waited until my dad and his wife (her new mother-in-law) flew in for their destination wedding and greeted them at the airport with “we need twelve thousand dollars for the location or there’s no wedding tomorrow.” Over 150 people had flown in for this wedding, many of whom couldn’t actually afford to go to it.…

But she bullied and degraded them all into going, even if that meant they went into debt so they could attend. Really, I won though, because I was uninvited the day before my plane landed, so I just got drunk on the beach for a week and saw her for less than five minutes total the whole time we were there. Reddit User: retroverted_uterus 

Taking Bridezilla to Another Level

At a wedding I catered, a few rules made up by the bride to be that the guests had to follow were insane. Number one: please arrive fifteen to twenty minutes early. Number two: please do not wear white, cream, or ivory. Number three: please do not wear anything other than a basic bob or ponytail. Number four: please do not have a full face of makeup….

And she even had more rules to follow: things such as do not record during the ceremony. Do not check in on social media until instructed. Use #[Wedding hashtag] when posting all pictures. Even a rule not to talk to the bride at all. And everyone was to toast with Rémy. No exceptions. Lastly, you had to come with a gift worth $75 or more, or you wouldn’t be admitted. Some were reasonable, but most were insane. Reddit User: LauraMcCabeMoon

Worst Bridesmaid Ever

I planned my own wedding, and surprisingly, one of my best friends since high school, who was a bridesmaid, was the worst. At my rehearsal dinner and the day of my wedding, she spent the majority of the time complaining to my other bridesmaids that her foot hurt and that she was not involved enough. I gave everyone simple tasks, and they were evenly distributed.… 

I didn’t ask too much or too little of any one person, and nobody else complained but her. Later on, she told me she thought that it was too “all about me,” which it really wasn’t. Oh, and it was my wedding day, so it very well could and should have been. She was just whining a lot, and it annoyed me. Reddit User: thekimstar

Everything’s Fine

The wedding planner at my wedding was hilarious to us, though she probably didn’t find it so funny. Things kept going wrong; the cake was the wrong color, the bridal suite was out of commission because the air conditioning was broken, the replacement cabin they gave us was infested with mosquitoes, the officiant was late and then at the ceremony said the wrong names.…

To top it off, it was her second wedding employed at the venue. Despite everything though, we still had cake, and we ended up with an even more private cabin. Every time she had to break something to us, you could see her take a deep breath to try and center herself and then get confused as all get-out when we were fine. Reddit User: Belbomontage 

No Reason to Be a Jerk

Wedding florist here. We just love it when people elope and decide to walk into our store, expecting us to drop everything at once. This is coming from a person who would totally elope. It’s just that I would also not be a jerk about it. “Is this all you have today?” is my least favorite sentence to come out of a last-minute bride’s mouth…. 

Also, shout out to the bridezilla who came into our shop on Mother’s Day to ask if she could have an on-the-spot bridal consultation. Heck no, who has time for that on Mother’s Day? She and the groom hung around and tried to attack every staff member who went into the walk-in cooler with bridal questions, even though we took a moment to book her an appointment a month away. Reddit User: Water_Is_Thicker

Not Always Appreciative

The bride loved her makeup at the trial and texted me later to tell me how great it looked all day. On the day of her wedding, I did the exact same look on her with all the same products, and she started crying, making a huge scene, and telling everyone that she hated it. Another makeup artist took over and pretended to put makeup on with clean brushes.…

She looked in the mirror and loved it. The bride also did this to the hairstylist, who does incredible work, making her change her hair three times. The majority of the time, the bride is the kindest and most relaxed person, but there is always one person in the bridal party that makes you question your career choice and life in general. Reddit User: xxMakeupArtist716xx

It’s Not Always the Bride

I work at David’s. I have politely and not so politely taken mothers aside and explained that it is their daughter’s day and that if their comments didn’t get more positive, they would be asked to leave, as they were upsetting the bride. I have scheduled come back appointments with brides while in the fitting room helping them out of a dress….

All so that we could figure out a time for them to come back by themselves. I work in alterations now and have had brides get into the dress they bought and start crying because they hate the dress that the people with them convinced them to get. Take note people, and be selective about who you bring when picking out dresses. Reddit User: Jadenlost

Missed the Best Parts

Last year, I was 1 of 14 groomsmen in my high school buddy’s wedding. It’s was a big wedding at the Chicago Navy Pier in the Grand Ballroom with hours of scheduled entertainment. The entertainment was speeches, people singing and playing live music, and a bunch of traditional Lithuanian folk dances that most of the wedding party had practiced and performed for a few years….

That was the reception that another groomsman and I were 2+ hours late to because we were sent on a trip to get the boxes of wedding programs and dinner menus from the printer. It was “a matter of life and death,” according to the bride. We missed the announced entrance, the dancing, most speeches, and the first half of dinner. The bride apologized to us later, but I’m still a little salty. Reddit User: thebarefootninja

Tape Measures Don’t Lie

Not bridezilla but momzilla. I was making her daughter a custom bias-cut gown and had limited fitting time because the bride lived one state over. Now bias-cut gowns are the devil to begin with. We (mom and I) would work on details between fittings. I would say our working relationship got very frosty. Each time the bride came for a fitting, she lost weight.…

Mom would scream that her daughter did not lose any weight. After the third fitting, third fight, and the third rebuild of a very complicated gown, I finished it and told them to take the gown and do what they wanted with it. It was gorgeous but hung loose. The girl lost over 3” over the course of 7-8 weeks. I lost hours of my life and the money for the work. Reddit User: Spydrchick

That Poor Bride

The bride was a wonderful young woman, albeit short, chubby, and slightly “frumpy.” But a sweet girl, and very happy, and very in love. Mom was just the opposite. Tall, willowy, blonde, overly made up. After the wedding, Mom showed up at the reception in an extra-tight off-white dress. Backless and with a thigh slit up to her waistline.… 

She was in stiletto heels that would have been more at home on the pole, not at a wedding. Once the wedding itself was over, the mom made it all about her. She was the first person on the dance floor, worked the room at the reception, table-to-table flirting with every man in the room. It was sad watching the bride slowly slip back into her shell, eclipsed by her mother on her wedding day. Reddit User: Outlander56

Watch What You Eat

I was an alterations specialist at David’s Bridal. Never again. We had an issue with stressed-out brides losing weight after fittings and having to be refit. The worst one, however, was a lady who was fitted before I started working there, and she had somehow gained an insane amount of weight. Like she went from a size twenty to a size thirty-two…. 

The dress size only went up to a twenty-four, and we’re not freaking wizards here. Even our little Peruvian seamstress (who was magic or had mutant powers) was stumped. I think she ended up tearing apart two dresses and building one super dress out of them. She was the freaking Tony Stark of alterations. Reddit User: nightcrawler616

Almost Always the Bride

In most situations, the brides are in the bridal shops and department stores making almost every decision. The only times I’ve had bad experiences with customers or have been given any attitude in general were when I was working at the Tux Shop at Macy’s. While in Macy’s, I saw a completely different culture where customers would yell at, berate, and blatantly insult clerks.…

Only to have a manager just give them what they were complaining about in the first place. That kind of behavior is never tolerated in a Men’s Wearhouse, and all of my managers there have just asked them to leave. Granted, I’ve only seen anyone tell off someone twice in the two years at the Wearhouse as opposed to daily at Macy’s. Reddit User: Original-Tanksta

Stay for the Cake 

This story is about a sister of mine. The wedding starts late because the bride and groom are day drinking. The bride is mad that her new husband is super drunk before dinner, so instead of helping him sober up, she proceeds to get the loser angry and drunk as well because it’s her day too. Then she’s mad that people don’t stay for cake.…

It’s 11 pm on a Tuesday, and you’re just getting to the cake now. People have jobs to go to, and we all got here at 10 am. (Some cousin also robbed all the liquor from the bar and stole some of the gifts. The mom broke her arm, and the venue was vandalized, but how dare people leave before the cake.) Reddit User: wasteddingo

What a Friend

I recently went to a friend’s wedding. I’ve known him for 20 years, and he always tells me he considers me one of his best friends. The “top three” sort of thing at any given time: “I don’t know what I’d do without you” and “I hope we always remain friends.” I asked to give a speech at his wedding. He told me they weren’t doing speeches…. 

I asked if there would be wedding parties in case I was in it. I was told there would be no wedding parties or best man/maid of honor. I attended the wedding. There was a wedding party; I was not in it. There was a best man; I was not him. And there were, of course, speeches. Some friend he turned out to be. I’m done with him. Reddit User: Father_of_the_Bribe 

Kids Know Better

We went to a wedding for my significant other’s coworker. Family was invited, so we brought the kids. They had been to one previous wedding; it was a super casual affair in a state park. The two women getting married were dear friends. This second wedding was quite religious. The pastor started speaking before the vows and said something about how the man is the head of the household.…

And how the woman should submit to her husband. My sweet daughter shot me a look that said, “Did you just hear that? What the heck?” (She was 12 at the time.) I think she was really waiting for someone to stand up and say, “Wait. That’s not right!” I just shrugged at her. We did a lot of line dancing and had a bunch of cake. Reddit User: tinyahjumma 

Trying Not to Stress It

My large family got so excited that there was finally going to be another wedding in the family when I told them that my partner had proposed to me. I’m my father’s firstborn, and so I really do not want to deprive him of my wedding day if I can help it. I don’t think I’m going about it the right way, though.… 

I have mental health issues as well, and that makes it so that I don’t deal with stress very well. Ultimately, I really don’t care about a perfect, fairytale type of wedding day. I just want to marry the love of my life, see my loved ones, eat, drink, and be merry, and make it a day to remember. I’m worried that I’ll be TOO indecisive for the wedding workers (DJ, etc.). Reddit User: confettifetish

Props to the Caterers

I just want to give a shout out to great caterers. I was part of a wedding party this past weekend, and the first course was a soup that was made with heavy cream or something. When the waiters came to pick up the plates for the next course, they asked if anything was wrong with it, since I didn’t touch it.…

I just mentioned that I can’t have dairy products (I’m fine for most stuff with a pill, just not heavy milk-based items, but I didn’t need to explain it in detail to them). Five minutes later, the head waiter came over to me and said that he arranged with the kitchen to prepare the rest of my meal for the night without dairy. I thought it was a great touch. Reddit User: astrogaijin

Can’t Trust Everyone to Do What’s Right

This doesn’t entirely fit the subject per se, but my friend’s wedding planner just flat out refused to use the bride’s hand-made decorations. She had the audacity to hide them in a box under the guestbook table, which was totally disrespectful. I was the bridesmaid assigned to go down from the suite and check on things while they’re getting ready.…

I asked the planner why the decorations weren’t hung up, and she straight up told me that she didn’t like them. I had a boyfriend of another bridesmaid hang them up because I knew the bride would be upset if they weren’t put up in the reception hall. We had spent hours the day before finishing them up for the big day. Reddit User: blondeboilermaker 

Not Sure What She Expected

This reception is to be held in July, on a Sunday, in the parking lot. My friend, who’s an event coordinator and hired for this wedding, orders rolls of artificial turf grass to cover the asphalt. The bride gets buyer’s remorse and cancels the turf a couple of weeks before the wedding. On her wedding day, she comes to a friend fuming, “This is an actual parking lot, with lines and everything….” 

The first few businesses my friend calls hang up on her. Finally, someone quotes her an absurd price to load up all of their rolls of (real) turf grass, drive the hour to the resort, and set it up. Friend doubles the price she quotes the bride. And that is how I got paid $20 an hour to intermittently water turf grass in a parking lot. Reddit User: Queenpunkster

Hold Your Horses

I do wedding planning on the side and offered to help a friend like three days ago. They’ve been engaged for about a month now. The wedding is in a year. I literally just had a pretty invasive surgery like five hours ago, and this chick sends a “you ok?” text. As I’m typing my response, she starts prattling on about what she wants to do for her wedding plans in a year….

My recovery isn’t expected to be that long, and like, I know it’s exciting and all, but maybe at least wait until I respond? What if I died and my husband was like, “Yup, she’s dead, sucks to suck”? My goodness. I’m going to need lots of patience this time around, I can already tell. This isn’t going to be much fun for me. Reddit User: HashtagAvocado

That’s a Bit Harsh

My husband was a wedding photographer for many years, so he has seen some doozies. The one I remember him telling me about was that the bride hated her mother, and so she wasn’t going to invite her to the wedding but was coerced into it by others in the family. Here comes the wedding day; my husband is taking at-home pictures before leaving for the church.…

The bride pulls him aside and says, “I do not want any pictures of my mother taken today; none at all. If you set up family shots and she’s there, just set the flash off and do not take her picture.” My husband couldn’t bring himself to do it and still took all the pictures, figuring the bride could tear them up if she wanted later. Reddit User: Bishopnotaliens

Poor Guy

The bride and groom were from New York City and got married in the south. He was her boss at a Fox News show. When I first saw them, I legit thought he was her dad. The entire night she kept yelling at him, telling him to leave conversations she was having with her friends. She was just awful to him….

Not to mention their wedding colors were pink and green. And I mean bright pink. They paid thousands of dollars to have a pink tented ceiling, and their bridesmaids’ dresses were these ugly hot pink designer dresses. They had a man in a jet pack dressed in a tux fly over the reception, land to a string quartet playing the James Bond theme song, and take a sip of a martini. Reddit User: belbomontage

Bad Idea

I know a woman who was a caretaker for a public park that also had a wedding venue. They had a variety of stories, but the craziest was where the groom got up on stage and decided to rip off his shirt to reveal his white supremacy tattoos, all the while shouting, “This is who I am!” to the bride’s family….

Probably not a surprise that they then got into a fight and then one of the bride’s family members decided to pull out a shotgun, and then marched the guy out to the parking lot. I’m not quite sure how many guests got arrested, but it definitely was a big mess. I’m sure the bride felt a bit embarrassed after all of that. Reddit User: stormycloudysky

My Ears Are Bleeding

A friend from my childhood got married, and his bride was from a big rural family. They had a country wedding, complete with the bride in cowboy boots. The DJ literally had to play Wagon Wheel four times in a half-hour time period by request from the bride and her whole entourage. I know for a fact it was played at least two other times throughout the reception…. 

That poor DJ got ripped into by the guests when he played a Nelly song that was requested by the groom’s younger cousin. The bride even had the audacity to get in his face about some weird things and told him to switch the song to, you guessed it, freaking Wagon Wheel. I wouldn’t have wanted to be in his shoes that night. Reddit User: Froggytumtum

Wasn’t Prepared for That

I’ve catered a number of functions, but one time, we got a wedding reception where the groom and his pack of guys turned up stinking drunk already and spent the whole time harassing the staff. The bride didn’t look happy one bit. I probably wouldn’t have been happy during it all either. I mean, they had also brought a bunch of children….

They obviously hadn’t planned on how to cater for them, and I later learned that some of the kids hadn’t eaten all day because their parents were “busy,” so they were tired and crying. The party wasted loads of food because they clearly hadn’t gotten each guest’s options right and left a huge mess, as well as used drug needles in our men’s toilet. Reddit User: sofyflo

Families Can Be Worse

I worked at a high-end bridal shop in my early twenties. One day, I had a bride-to-be shopping for a gown, and she had brought her mom, aunt, and sister (who had just become a new mom) with her to her appointment. The sister was obviously a little jealous that attention was no longer being lavished on her and her new baby….

As I fitted the bride in a $2500 Lazaro bridal gown, the sister decided to change her newborn’s diaper in the dressing room and proceeded to hold the poop-filled diaper up to the gold-hued gown and exclaim, “Look, the colors almost match!” I excused myself from the room for fresh air and to regain composure. In my experience, the brides were rarely the problem; the family was! Reddit User: jackerick84

It’s About Him Too

I used to be a “bridal consultant” at a retail store, which basically means I helped couples scan things onto their registry, although the training for it just meant that I knew how to use the scanner and the computer and my actual job had nothing to do with bridal shopping. This one couple came in to start a new registry, which quickly turned into only things the bride wanted….  

Anything the groom wanted to put down on the registry was deemed as “childish, stupid, ugly, impractical, and never going to be used.” I was cringing during the entire appointment; she kept asking for my input/opinion on everything, and I felt so bad for this guy. His bride seemed so selfish and entitled; I couldn’t believe the fact that he was soon to be married to this woman. Reddit User: _marjaz_

The Thought That Counts

I used to work at a jewelry store. This young guy, about college age, came in one day to look at engagement rings. Very polite. He was asking good questions. You could tell he’d been considering this for some time. As I’m helping him and showing him some rings in his budget, his girlfriend walks in. She’s wearing a t-shirt from the high school senior class from the previous year.…

And she comes over by him and says, “Oh my god, were you seriously considering that ring? Ugh. It’s so ugly. Besides, it looks just like my last engagement ring.” How I wish I could have told him to dump her, run for the hills, and don’t look back. I can’t imagine that marriage lasting long. It should be the thought that counts. Reddit User: rubywolf27

Watch Out for the Crazy Ones

I have worked in the bridal industry for six years. I really get along with most of the women that come in. But there have been some crazies that come through. One story off the top of my head included a bride who was mad that she couldn’t get a refund. So she called up the salon and threatened our business, saying crazy things.… 

Like she was going to come in and cut all the dresses up with scissors and blow the place up. Also, her drunken group of bridesmaids caused a lot of trouble too. I had to call the cops on one of the girls, because she was freaking the heck out. My former boss thinks she was on something else and not just drunk on alcohol. Reddit User: Knic1212 

They Both Sure Picked a Winner

I used to be a photographer’s assistant back in high school. I remember this one bride who, before the wedding, kept yelling at my boss about me helping with photos, as she didn’t want some “stupid kid” to ruin her wedding photos. She also kept calling her soon to be husband stupid and berating him. I ended up getting sent to do the groom’s photos while my boss handled the bridezilla…. 

As soon as I walked into the room where the groom and his friends were getting ready, I almost puked because it smelled like a distillery. The guy was on the phone with his bridezilla on speaker while smoking weed and shaking his head. I could barely walk through the room with all the alcohol bottles on the floor and suitcases everywhere. Reddit User: AllThatSpazz

Always Take Deposits

We had a group of 40 to accommodate, choose a menu, get place cards made, and book rooms for the reception. They emailed the day before to cancel the rooms. On the day, no one showed up for the lunch. When we finally got in touch, they said they emailed to cancel. However, canceling rooms does not equal canceling the whole thing….

It was her wedding day, and we had no card details or deposits because you don’t really expect a function with that much forward planning just to scrap the whole thing the day before and not tell you. She didn’t seem to care that on a busy summer Sunday, half the restaurant was sitting empty waiting for her and her guests; that really blew my mind. Reddit User: NixSpark

We Don’t Need Your Permission

On a good day, the world revolves around my sister-in-law, and it’s not like she’s young. She’s in her early thirties and still thinks this way. So you can all imagine how she was as a bride. In the Jewish tradition, if a younger sister is about to get married or proposed to before the older sister, she is supposed to ask for permission.…

The tradition also states that the older sister needs to say yes. My wife and I were dating for a while, and I was about to propose to her; my sister-in-law didn’t have anyone in sight that she was dating or interested in but still told my wife, her younger sister, that she couldn’t get married before her. We told her to go fly a kite, got engaged, then married anyway. Reddit User: ihaveyoursox

Mother-in-Law to the Rescue

My father showed up late to my wedding and left early. He’s lucky I invited him at all, and I am super happy that I asked my mom to walk me down the aisle instead of him. My new mother-in-law told him he was dreaming if he thought he would be permitted to dance with his daughter at all.… 

Especially after he removed his suit between the wedding and reception, which happened maybe 50 yards from each other. Yep. He couldn’t be fussed to wear his suit for the 15-minute ceremony that he almost missed and walk to the backyard to the reception. He put the suit back on, and my mother-in-law got some major points. Reddit User: EmberHands

Good Luck with That

Ballroom dance instructor here. The biggest story that comes to mind was a couple who came in a week before their wedding. Their first dance was to Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud,” because of course, and they wanted to do the dance from the music video. Reminder: the dance involved one classically trained ballerina and one Ed Sheeran.… 

He spent months and countless studio dollars training with said ballerina. And this couple wanted to learn it in just one week. No. It’s not happening. The bride blew her lid, saying, “We don’t even need you. We can just learn it from watching the video.” I nearly peed myself from the effort of holding in laughter at that comment. Reddit User: mikhailnikolaievitch

Learn to Be Patient

I used to work in the gift registry area at a large department store. Sometimes we run low on the stock that brides have put on their registries, which is totally not our fault. But since they really want these items, we then have to scramble around to get the things they want on their registry from other stores across the country…. 

It’s difficult and time-consuming, to say the least. One bride didn’t receive all of the drinking glasses she requested until several weeks after her wedding. She came in very distressed and told us that we had ruined her wedding because she had to wait for her glasses. How sad to have let a few glasses ruin your big day. Reddit User: User

You Need to Calm Down

I shot a wedding where the bride was marrying a military officer, a lieutenant. She was raging at everyone, even the banquet manager, and surprisingly the groom himself. When I accompanied the groom as he was getting ready to take shots of him putting on his uniform, he was unable to receive any calls, as the villa had poor reception.…

We got back, and she immediately went, “Why couldn’t I call you? No reception? Then at least give me your groomsman’s number so I have a point of contact.” And this was in front of everyone, mind you. When the solemnizer arrived, she got angry as well, as the bride was still not ready for the event, which was supposed to have started 15 minutes ago. Reddit User: Tamronloh 

You Have More to Worry About

I work at David’s Bridal, and let me say, most of the time it’s not the bride. It’s the mother of the bride or even the maid of honor. I work in alterations. Most of the time, it takes more than one appointment to get things perfect. One time, the bride came in for her second appointment for us to make any adjustments.…

She needed a couple of things adjusted. Her mother told me I ruined her daughter’s marriage; yes, not the wedding, but the marriage. All I could think was if needing to adjust something on your dress and having to come back for one more appointment makes you think someone ruined your perfect life with someone, well then, good luck to her groom. Reddit User: Jadenlost

While some of these brides-to-be probably left you speechless, you’ll never guess what kinds of things cruise ship workers have had to deal with. From smuggling alcohol on board to heated disputes at sea, these cruise ship workers reveal what really goes on behind the scenes…

A Three-Hour Tour

In many ways, cruise ships are a lot like hotels. Everything must run smoothly so that the passengers are taken care of, and that things remains organized. While crew members on a ship may appear to have everything under control, life at sea can come with some challenges that guests might not be aware of.

When you’re out in the middle of the ocean, and nobody can leave until the ship docks, crew members must find very good ways of maintaining the guise of ease when things go awry. And afterwards, the crew can laugh about all of the devious nuances of cruise life. Here are some of the secret, behind-the-scenes activities that take place on cruise ships.

Secret Cruise Ship Language

One of the real secrets is that the intercom is used to send coded messages between members of the staff and the crew. We hide messages in seemingly innocuous statements, and the codes vary from simple ones–words with double meanings–to highly complex ones, such as hiding messages in the first letters of words.

It takes a while to get used to, but eventually, it becomes second nature, and even fun. It feels like we’re tricking the ship’s guests, but most of the time we’re just letting other staff members know that we’re running low on supplies, or need more help in a certain area of the ship. Reddit User: ElGofre

Bodies On Ice

Some ships don’t want passengers to know that anything bad has happened, since nobody wants to spoil their dream getaway. Sometimes this even extends to deaths on board. As it turns out, crew members sometimes die as the result of workplace accidents, just like any job. It’s sad, but what’s crazy is what happens afterwards.

Usually the rest of the crew will stay silent and just keep the body on ice until the cruise docks at the next port. Then, the unfortunate fellow gets unloaded with any cargo, and everyone continues cruising off blissfully to paradise. It’s pretty hush-hush. Reddit User: papi_ajnc

Retiring In Style

Let’s be honest, a lot of retirement communities and nursing homes can be somewhat boring places to end up. A cruise ship is a mush more exciting way to spend your later year. In my years working the decks, I met a number of elderly couples who had figured out that it can be surprisingly affordable to make a cruise ship your permanent retirement home.

I think these folks are some of the most fun passengers to attend, too. They’re just there to enjoy themselves and live life with absolutely nothing to lose. Despite being a bit older, they love to let lose and party. It’s great. Reddit User: ktho64152

Unsanitary Conditions

Babies on a cruise can sometimes be even more of a handful than babies on an airplane. This one time, I was stuck acting as the lifeguard for one of the on-deck swimming pools, and a parent stuck her toddler in the pool with just their regular diaper still on.

I advised the mother that she needed a waterproof diaper, and she simply laughed in my face. As you can imagine, a baby doesn’t yet have control over its bodily functions, and sure enough, the pool had to soon be evacuated and cleaned out. Come on people, be considerate. Reddit user: linkhandford

Enjoying Your Time At Port

Often, crew members will visit the same set of ports on every voyage. Those times on shore are a lovely respite from the monotonous life on deck, and we end up enjoying our time there to the fullest. I personally have a “shore girlfriend” at every single port I frequent.

Do any of the girlfriends know about each other? I couldn’t even tell you that. But if they do, it certainly doesn’t stop them coming back for more. I get to live a different little secret life at every stop I make along the voyage. Reddit User: tesla33

Trash Fires At Sea

Sure, we like to think that cruises are responsible institutions, what once we enter international waters, anything goes. Do you have any idea how much trash the passengers on these ships produce? We’re certainly not going to lug it around with us the whole time. What do we do? Burn it of course.

I’ve seen entire garbage bins full of food scraps, soiled sheets, and even human waste thrown into massive incinerators and burned off without another word. None of the passengers would ever know that this happens behind their backs. Apparently, we make our own rules at sea. Reddit User: tesla33

Off To The Brig

Yes, it’s true that cruise ships have a “brig,” where we can stow unruly passengers. You can’t just have them running around if they’re a threat to the well-being of other paying passengers (or sometimes just too much of an annoyance). Luckily for prospective cruisers, it takes a direct order from the captain to send someone to the brig.

Therefore, It’s pretty unlikely to see this happen. Just getting too drunk is fine. But if you get too drunk and get into a fight, you might end up behind bars (and then booted off the boat at the next port). Believe me, people do get crazy out at sea. Reddit User: justaguyfrom1997

Mysterious Disappearances

Usually the cruises I work on are pretty uneventful. Not always though. Once I was working a voyage to Curaçao and one of our passengers disappeared. She would go on to become something of a household name, as they story gained some national attention.

Nobody ever figured out what happened to her. The pessimists will always assume the worst, but I like to believe that she simply decided she wanted to start a new life, and is currently sipping piña coladas on the beach somewhere, like a boss. Reddit User: Idonthaveaname

Rough Landing

No, every cruise ship is not the Titanic- but yes, some of them do crash, just like any other form of transportation that’s affected by human and environmental variables. And I happened to be on one of them. The captain had been up late the previous night, doing who knows what. Suffice to say, his reflexes weren’t quite up to snuff when we were pulling into port. We didn’t do much damage, but let’s just say he used the “bump method” when he was parking his massive vessel.

The ship ended up crushing a large part of the port structure, but luckily nobody was injured. And the boat didn’t tip over or anything. I don’t think that particular city will be renewing their contract with our cruise line any time soon. Reddit User: justaguyfrom1997

More Housekeepers Than A Wealthy Suburb

Ever wonder how cruise ships stay so clean? I mean, sure, they’re not that clean, but considering how may people are seasick and vomiting everywhere, they’re basically as good as you could imagine. The lines that I’ve worked on have a veritable army of cleaning professionals on call to make sure that any mess is gone before too many people notice.

Thank god for this. Otherwise, it would be unbearable to travel on a cruise, much less work on them. I’d guess that a pile of vomit is cleaned basically every 15 minutes on a long voyage. It’s pretty disgusting. Luckily, I have not had the job of cleaning it up. Reddit User: tesla33

The Secret Carpet Code

Do you know what distinguishes the passenger areas from the crew areas on a ship? Good, because you’re not supposed to. It’s actually the carpeting. Areas frequented by passengers usually have wall-to-wall carpets, while the areas frequented by the crew are floored with hard surfaces.

Ships are designed for the comfort of paying passengers, not crew members. And, since hard floors are easier to clean, it makes sense that you’d cover as much of the ship as possible in them, without hurting the “hotel” vibe for the guests. Truly, all of the beautiful aspects of cruises are reserved for the guests. Reddit User: TheBaltimoron

The Bar Is Open… For Everyone

There’s a reason you’re paying exorbitant prices for your “all inclusive” cruise ship vacation, and it’s not just to line the pockets of the cruise line owners. Turns out that we–the crew–are drinking the exact same things as the guests, just at a heavily discounted (or free) rate.

Often, the crew has complete access to the bar for no charge at all. Your bill helps support our drunkenness. Which, really, you should be happy about, since it helps us maintain our good attitudes while dealing with all of your antics. Reddit User: ElGofre

Cruise Ship Black Market

Like any economy of significant size, the economy on-board a cruise ship has a functioning black market of goods and services. All you need to do is find one of the many unscrupulous crew members who has managed to sneak something away, whether it’s alcohol, coupons for massages, VIP area entry passes, or whatever else they can find.

Then you have to persuade them to sell it to you, and try to get them to lower their prices a little bit. People get desperate out at sea. Often you can get wildly good prices. Next time you cruise, plan on avoiding the all inclusive option, and barter for your vacation instead. Reddit User: ElGofre

Underpaid

On every cruise ship where I’ve worked, there have been exceptionally few American crew members. The sad reality is that most cruise lines don’t pay their workers well by American standards. And if the line is headquartered abroad or owned by a foreign company, they don’t have to comply with American wage regulations.

The result is that American workers don’t consider cruises as viable employment. Cruise lines also try to avoid hiring Americans, since they’re just too expensive. It would be great if the industry could catch up with today’s wages, so that Americans could also benefit from this fun line of work. Reddit User: whatsmyline

Thin Margins

Cruises are not just expensive for guests. They can also be money pits for the companies providing them, which means margins are often razor thin. For example, I worked on a line that went through the Panama Canal, and the fuel alone cost roughly $45 per minute. The all-in cost of just sailing that tiny stretch of water was $300,000.

On average, one ship goes through the canal every 10 days, which is just a shocking amount of money over time. So, in short, you’re probably not getting ripped off for the insane prices. Well, maybe you are anyway, but some of it is for good reason. Reddit User: tniehaus5

Smuggle In Your Alcohol, If You Dare

By far, the most expensive thing on a cruise ship–assuming you don’t go all inclusive–is the alcohol. Luckily, it’s also fairly easy to transport, so my advice would just be to smuggle it on with you. Sure there’s a risk of getting caught, but usually they’ll just take the booze away and let you on board.

So it’s not that bad of a gamble. If you do manage to get a copious amount of alcohol on board, you won’t just save money. You’ll also immediately become the most popular passenger on board. So if for nothing else, do it for the love. Reddit User: tniehaus5

“Man Overboard”

If you’re imagining a daring rescue situation when someone falls off a cruise ship, you’re picturing the movies. Most people who go overboard are difficult to recover, as the fall itself is enough to knock you unconscious when you hit the water. Add that to the fact that often times, nobody notices that someone has fallen.

For this reason, it’s important to stay far back from the railings. This isn’t an over-exaggeration for the sake of frightening a potential cruise-goes, it’s simply the truth, based on years of experience on many ships. Reddit User: Pr0cedure

Heated Disputes At Sea

A man once nearly accidentally threw his brother overboard in the heat of an argument that turned physical. We heard a commotion, and walked in just at the right time to catch the brother. One brother was apparently very upset at the other for losing 44 thousand dollars at the ship’s casino.

It’s a good thing we saved this guy from himself, as who knows if cooler heads would have prevailed? Thankfully the brothers ended up getting through it, and they both stepped off the ship together once we docked. Reddit User: [Redacted]

Faulty Regulations

If you think that your American or European cruise ship is governed by American or European law, you’d be making a large assumption (and usually an inaccurate one). Most ships, since they’re traveling in international waters, fly under what are called “Flags of Convenience.”

Like big, multinational corporations, they just register wherever the costs and regulations are most favorable. Although this does help keep the cost of your ticket from exploding, it also means that the safety standards are sometimes less than rigorous. Oh well, just get drunk, roll the dice, and have a great time. Reddit User: Phantomsplit

Super-Power Toilets

Because the toilets on board need to keep functioning in the face of extreme distress, most ships fit their cabins with high-powered suction flushes. Those systems can handle pretty much anything. The flip side of this is that passengers know, and will flush the most absurd things down their toilets whenever given the chance.

While on board, I’ve heard of maintenance staff finding everything from t-shirts and shoes, to pool noodles and plastic containers in the sewage system pipes. Whatever you want, the toilets have it. Disgusting. Reddit User: [Redacted]

Check For Cameras

Most of the cruise ship is being monitored 24/7. And no, you can’t always see the cameras easily. So, if you’re one of those daring passengers who wants to push the limits and get a little frisky in public places, do yourself a favor, and check carefully to make sure nobody is watching.

Even if you don’t get reported, it’s a good bet that the crew is watching and enjoying it heartily. The most funny situations were the ones where the couple on camera would notice midway through. Usually, someone would look up, utter an expletive, then flee as fast as possible. Too late. Reddit User: pumpin69

Sea-Sickness Psychosis

Did you know that a little-known side effect of seasickness patches is temporary madness and psychosis? Usually, it’s not a problem since people wear them for short periods of time, and not many people wear them in the same place. But this is not true on cruise ships.

When you have hundreds of people wearing them for a week, something is going to happen. If you see someone running around flapping their wings like a chicken, or screaming uncontrollably, maybe ask their travel partners if they can quit the patch for a bit. Vomiting is definitely better than delusional insanity. Reddit User: Rojaddit

The Food Is Not Good

The sad truth is that if you’re a halfway decent chef, you won’t work on a cruise ship. The problems of a regular restaurant kitchen are all still there–the heat, the long hours, the brutal customers–but you’re stuck at sea for months. And the pay is awful. So, passengers and crew alike, beware, it won’t be tasty.

You’re also liable to get sick from it. Not just because of the cooks. Just imagine all of the passengers at the buffet who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom, and you’ll start to understand what you’re getting yourself into. Reddit User: ElGofre

College Dorm Rooms

The cabins–even the premium ones you pay exorbitant sums for–just aren’t that nice. I mean, it’s a natural result of the cramped quarters and lack of space on the ships, so there’s nothing to get upset about. But you’ll feel more like you’re in a college dorm room than at home.

They’re pretty cramped, and they don’t have any sort of storage for your things. Most people get used to it pretty quickly and it’s just part of the experience since you’re out of your room mostly. But either way, get ready to downgrade your definition of luxury. Reddit User: ElGofre

Pee In A Cup

If you want to work on a cruise ship, be aware that the drug testing rules are fairly strict. Not only will you have to pass an unannounced drug test sometime in the lead up to joining the crew, but the entire crew is usually subject to the threat of random drug tests while they’re on board.

So don’t even think about bringing anything with you. It’s certainly interesting, since drinking alcohol (sometimes to excess) is extremely common among the crew. But drugs are a big no no. I suppose some crew member may go overboard with drinking because they can’t do anything else. Reddit User: daftsnuts

You’ll Have To Disconnect

The wifi is not going to be up to par with what you’re used to back home. Even on all inclusive ships, you often have to pay for service, and they’re usually terrible. They advertise that you can use it for streaming, but only if you want to wait for your show to buffer every five minutes.

It’s pretty terrible. The sad part is that this is also true for the crew. It actually makes it much harder to stay in touch with friends and family back home while you’re at sea. The upside is that it’s a time to disconnect from your phone and just enjoy the time at sea. Reddit User: teddersman

Cliques

Being on a cruise–as either a crew member or a passenger–means you’re stuck in close quarters with a lot of people who you don’t share that much in common with. Naturally, people will self-segregate into groups that align with their interests and backgrounds. And naturally those groups will compete with each other.

Does it sound at all like high school? That’s because it is. Get ready to be thrown back into the school lunchroom every time you visit the ship’s cafeteria. Cruse are known for being very cliquey, and cliques often don’t want to associate with others. Reddit User: JMPBass

Class Conflicts

Much of the time, the guests we serve on board are fun-loving and kind. They’re just there to have fun. Too often, though, you get some overly entitled person who thinks they’re better than you simply because they have money. They’ll talk down to you, order you around like you’re a personal servant, and issue scathing insults when you do something they dislike.

I’ve worked in restaurants and it’s not much different in terms of how people act. The main difference is that, on a cruise, you’re stuck with the annoying people for a week at a time. And you have to be nice to them if you want to keep your job, which is not always easy. Reddit User: JMPBass

An International Crew

Because the ships move around, provide housing, and usually don’t tax their crew members (unless they happen to be American), they’re great ways for people to make money to send home to their families. On the ships that I’ve worked on, this has been particularly popular with Filipino men sending remittances back home.

The people who are in it to support their families are always more serious. Definitely not the “let’s get drunk all the time” kind of crew members at all. The Filipino men I know on the ship are the hardest workers I know. Reddit User: zakalwe_666

Being A Musician Has Benefits

You can work in a ton of different jobs in the crew on a cruise ship, but being a musician is by far the most lucrative (except being an officer, of course). One reason is, whenever the ship docks at port, you can hop off and play gigs in the local bars and clubs. Sometimes they pay way better than the ship itself.

Obviously, this varies depending on where your particular ship is traveling. The more crowded the port where you dock, the better the port gig pay will be. But, on the other hand, the competition to book gigs will be more stiff. The best gigs are in the European ports. Reddit User: TickleMafia

A Barter Economy

Since the internet and streaming ability on board is so awful, the ability to entertain yourself becomes a hot commodity. Often, both passengers and crew members will hop on board with large external hard drives full of movies and TV shows, which they can then trade for anything they want–free services, alcohol, you name it.

It actually functions almost like the cigarette economy in prison. You’re trapped in a confined space with a restricted ability to use real money. Of course something like this will develop. In fact, cruise ships are like prison in a number of ways, now that I think about it. Reddit User: zakalwe_666

Don’t Plan On Doing Laundry

If you’re a passenger, just bring enough clothes for the week. There are very few washers and dryers, and let’s just say that the average person who goes on a cruise for a week is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Someone is always breaking something in the laundry room, whether it’s putting too much detergent in the washer or putting something plastic in a hot dryer.

Believe, it’s absurd how stupid some of the passengers are. Just don’t count on needing to use a laundry system, or be happy wearing dirty clothes, since the odds of you accessing a functional laundry service are slim to none. Reddit User: too-tsunami

Smaller Boats Are Closer To Paradise

I worked as a personal dive instructor on a small, yacht-style cruise for a bit. There were only about 10 crew members at a given time, so the quarters were much less cramped, we all had enough food, and we always had access to basic living essentials like washing machines.

The guests were still crazy, and often treated the crew horribly, but it was a totally different experience from working on a big cruise line. If you love the sea and have some experience, definitely try to opt for a smaller cruise ship. You’ll feel much calmer during the trip. Reddit User: GDH27

Hiring Discrimination

I’ve been on a bunch of cruise ships, and each time, the job assignments (and corresponding pay grades) were basically determined by nationality. The Americans and Europeans usually got the glamorous jobs–officers, entertainers, etc.–while the folks from poorer countries with more lax labor laws, like Filipinos and Indonesians, got stuck with the harder, lower paying jobs–bartenders or cleaners.

Unfortunately, this is a very real issue in the cruise ship industry. Since there’s little to no oversight of the industry, the companies get away with it. And the jobs, even the bad ones, do pay, so people are willing to put up with the issues. Hopefully, this issue improves in the near future. Reddit User: BilliousN

The Shopping Discounts

If you have a bit of extra spending money, then working on a ship can be a great way to get discounts on luxury products. All of the stores on deck have fancy stuff–nice watches, top shelf alcohol and perfumes, luxury clothes–and as a crew member, you usually get a fixed, percentage-based discount wherever you shop.

Something to note is that, even though products, are discounted, expensive products will still be expensive. Most of the crew members are simply too poor to make much money off of the deals, but if you’re on board just to have a cool job and see the world, you might as well also get a Rolex out of it. Reddit User: [Redacted]

Custom Yachts Are Insane

I never worked on a cruise ship, but I helped design personal yachts big enough to basically be considered cruises. The billionaires who buy these things have some very interesting desires, and my job was to make them into realities. I’ve done drawings with some wacky additions, like dining tables with poles on them.

These personal yachts are basically big playrooms for people who have so much money that nothing is out of reach. If you can imagine it, someone has probably put it in a mega yacht. Rich people really can honestly do whatever they want. Reddit User: Boroviack

Working On A Cruise, Not For A Cruise

On many ships there are crew positions that are sponsored by companies at the ports where the ships stop. For example, I worked as a “port shopping ambassador,” which meant my job was to accompany passengers onto land whenever the ship docked, and persuade them to buy things from specific stores.

The job was perfect. I didn’t have to do the hard work that the rest of the crew did, and the passengers pretended to respect me since I had the energy of knowing about luxury goods, so I seemed kind of rich. Plus I got to travel for free. A win-win. Reddit User: greenmanmarket

There’s A Reason Some Have Worked For Years

I worked on a cruise ship for a relatively short period of time (just a few years, with breaks in between). I found a very interesting mix on board, including students doing six-month stints to see the world, and older folks who had been in the industry for decades.

I usually found out that the older employees were often running from something back home. Whether it was a nasty divorce, alcoholism, or problems at their last job, it was usually something. You don’t spend your life on a cruise without a solid reason. Reddit User: rothmaniac

Quality Medical Staff

Basically anything can happen on board a cruise, and the medical staff has to be ready for it all. The staffers are usually trained EMTs, and there are always at least a few doctors on board. They’re paid extremely well, and live in cushy quarters. The company has to do something to lure them off the land.

There is a limit to what the staff will end up doing for you on the boat. For instance, if you need a surgery, you’ll probably have to be taken to a hospital when you get to port. But for what they can do on-board, you’ll get a good service. Reddit User: jahitz

Never Work On The Engine Crew

The crews doing the maintenance work that keeps the ship running may be paid reasonably well, but the lifestyle is brutal. You’re stuck below decks almost the entire time, mostly isolated from the rest of the crew, and totally isolated from the passengers.

You’re also usually too tired to properly party when you’re shifts are over. Unless you’re a trained mechanical engineer who literally can’t get any other job, I’d probably pass on this one. There are much better ways to experience the cruise life. Reddit User: ArabianGoggles

Over Time, The Sea Becomes Home

I was originally a dancer from Scotland, but then I spent several years (okay, 10 years) working as a dancer aboard a big cruise line. I traveled all over the world, and spent close to three quarters of every year on deck. I recently got married and moved back to Scotland to give up the sea, and it’s been rather difficult to adjust.

Not only do you have to lose your sea legs, but there’s something romantic about sleeping in a different place every night that is genuinely hard to give up, even when something fantastic is tying you down at home. I’ll miss my life out on the seas. Reddit User: zakalwe_666

While some of these cruise ship travelers probably left you in awe, wait until you hear about some of the craziness that goes on at amusement parks. From getting sick on rides to committing crimes, amusement park employees spill the beans on what really goes on…

Amusement parks are meant to be some of the happiest places in the world. Just imagine: the yummy foods that have loads of calories (but you simply can’t resist) paired with silly games and exciting rides. But, for the people who actually work there, things are often a lot less fun. These employees have had to deal with some serious horror stories, accidents that happened, annoying children and their even more irritating parents…. 

Amid the horror, though, there’s definitely a good time to be had…as long as you use some common sense. Keep in mind some easy to remember tips, like not eating before a rollercoaster, learning to be patient in lines, and remembering to listen to the people in charge at parks (they’re there for a reason, people). After all, things could turn out much worse, like these stories shared by amusement park workers.

What’s for Breakfast Then?

I work with special needs adults. We took them to Knot’s Berry Farm. We took them to IHOP for breakfast (this is the foreshadowing). One of the guys is a big eater; he actually ate two breakfasts that day. We went to the park, and after a few slower rides, everyone went on a steep roller coaster with this guy in the front row….

The coaster climbed, and he began to feel sick. The coaster crested and began to plummet. You just use your imagination to picture what happened next, or rather, don’t. Everyone got to know what he had for breakfast that morning. The scene of the car arriving at the bottom was the single funniest thing Ive ever seen; it was worth it. Reddit User: itsgoodtobemike

The Worst Kind of Tourists

The one time I went to Universal Studios not as an employee, but as a visitor, and there was this mad group of tourists. It was the worst experience at a theme park I’ve ever had. They were arguing, blocking all the passages, pushing people out of the way, and even trying to steal items from the gift shops….

They also kept talking to each other on walkie talkies throughout the shows that they were watching. It gets worse, though; they walked into one of the restaurants and sat down at a table that was empty but hadn’t been cleared up yet by the servers. They then proceeded to start eating the food that was left on the table. Reddit User: Drunken_Black_Belt

A Real Theme Park Horror Movie  

I once got screamed at by one of our Russian visitors at the theme park. He also told me I was an untrained lady of the night because I work at a studio where people dress up, and I was dressed as a saloon girl. There were about fifty people crammed into the space, so it was really embarrassing to have him say that….

To make matters worse, later on, we had a hail storm in the park. Everyone started screaming and running. The lights were flickering, and all of the rides ended up being shut down. The babies people had with them were also crying, and it really looked like something straight out of some kind of horror movie. Never again. Reddit User: regalia13

Didn’t Find What She Was Looking For 

I worked at Six Flags for three years in a management position and, as a result, have so many stories about this kind of thing. One of my favorites has to be when security found a 40-year-old woman wandering around the park at 3 am one day. A park sweep is done every night to ensure that no one’s left inside, so she must have sneaked in….

She was obviously off her rocker or intoxicated, because when asked what she was doing in the park at that time of the night, she simply responded with, “I’m looking for the Dave Matthews Band” over and over again. Security ended up escorting her out of the park, and that was the end of it. I hope she found what she was looking for eventually. Reddit User: Mool212

Always Look Left And Right 

Back in the day, I worked selling tickets at a county fair for a couple of summers. One time, one of the ride operators stepped in front of a kiddie rollercoaster that was designed to look like a worm, known as The Wacky Worm. I guess he was trying to step to the other side of the track or something….

But he miscalculated where the rollercoaster was at that point in time, and he was struck by the rollercoaster. He took a seriously hard knock to his legs, and I’m pretty sure they were broken. We got him off the track as soon as possible, so the kids on the ride didn’t get too scared, and the manager waited with him until the ambulance arrived. Always look left and right, kids. Reddit User: ghostwrite_the_quip

No Thanks for a Good Deed 

I worked for two theme parks in my time: Six Flags and also another regional park. I had many adventures, from kicking people off rides to really naughty kids who should have been disciplined by their parents (who were, of course, nowhere to be found). There was also the time Six Flags wrote me up for administering first aid to a girl who passed out from heat exhaustion….

She had passed out right in the middle of the midway. Apparently, I was supposed just to leave her there until the EMTs arrived. I had “misused” company property by giving the poor girl a bottle of water to sip on until help arrived to keep herself cool since it was clear what was wrong with her. I can live with myself though. Reddit User: Drunken_Black_Belt

Sometimes You Just Can’t Help People

One of my favorite calls on the job was for an EMT to come to inspect a woman who wasn’t feeling well at the regional family park where I worked. This park gave away free soda to patrons. The EMT and I arrived on scene with this huge woman who looked like she was about to die from the heat and dizziness….

We asked the woman if she had any medical issues we should be aware of. She told us that she didn’t. So the EMT gets to work, and after a while, the woman goes, “Well, I do have diabetes. And I’ve been drinking soda all day.” When we asked her why she would drink it if she had diabetes, she replied, “Well, it’s free.” Reddit User: Drunken_Black_Belt

You Pick: Lights or the Rides

I used to work at a theme park in my hometown. This one time, we had a major storm sweeping through the area. It ended up causing all sorts of problems around the town. It knocked over street lights, display cases, blew the theme park prizes all over the place, and even ended up putting a hole in one of our wooden rollercoasters….

For a whole week after the storm, the park I worked at was unable to operate at night. This was because the generators the park had installed only had enough power to run the rides. You couldn’t have the rides on and the lights at the same time. If anyone is scared of a creepy theme park, that’s exactly what I was living. Reddit User: Mool212

Leave Him to the Dinosaurs 

I worked at a little kiddies theme park, and there was a dinosaur ride; it looked like something out of the Flintstones, I’d say. One of the kids who was on a really slow ride ended up losing his hat in the water that was next to it. He ended up jumping in the water and crossing the ride tracks to grab it. How his mother let him do that, I’ll never know….

When he got to his hat, there were two pretend dinosaurs in the water. He started screaming and crying at them, and his parents didn’t do anything. I had to stop the ride and climb into the water (and, of course, I was wearing long pants that day) to try and get this child away from the park’s property. The parents didn’t say anything, not even thank you. Should have let the pretend dinos eat the kid. Reddit User: NefariousStray

When the Adults Act Like Kids 

I worked at Busch Gardens for a quite while and have a bunch of examples of horror stories at amusement parks. First off, the guests would feed the birds and then get attacked by birds because they were trying to get the free food. At this point, I just pointed my finger to the “do not feed the birds” sign…. 

Other things like adults attempting to fit on the kid rides, which included planes and trains. Also, really annoying was when people climbed over the fences in ride restricted areas (and just so you know, some rides can’t be stopped even if you get in the way of them…like a rollercoaster, for example!). Also, you need to watch adults more than kids at amusement parks. Reddit User: [redacted]

Using Your Job to Your Advantage

I used to work in the attractions department of a zoo, so it’s kind of like an amusement park because we had a few rides in there too. One of the big parts of my job was to operate the rides there. One of these said rides was a mini roller coaster, which always required two staff in order to operate it….

One person had to push the button to start/stop the coaster, and the other staff member had to check the safety restraints of the riders. On really slow days at the zoo, the staff would take turns riding the roller coaster themselves, and sometimes, if a random family came up, we would even let them ride two or three times for free. Not a horror story, but a great memory! Reddit User: ADDled_mind

The Trick of Magic Water

While I didn’t work at a theme park, I thought I could definitely contribute a great story. I frequented Six Flags Great America when I had a season pass one summer. This is a tip that worked then, but I’m not sure if it works now, and it sure isn’t a horror story but instead a very well kept secret….

I would get free Mountain Dew or Sprite by asking them for “magic water.” This apparently was a code among all the employees. I happened to know another person who was working there that summer, and they were a really great friend to pass along this tip. Maybe find out from a friend if they’re working there what the code is now. Reddit User: rubylanephotography

The Real Nightmare of Theme Parks: The Parents

At the park I worked at one year, it was soon after the Jurassic Park movie release. The little kids always wanted to know where we kept the dinosaurs, so as an employee, we used to have a lot of fun messing with them. We used to tell the kids that we breed all the dinosaurs on a faraway island….

This, of course, isn’t true. The stories we came up with were brilliant, and we even told kids that we had another island just for research a few miles away. The horror story came in when we had to deal with the parents who weren’t impressed that their kids were now nagging them to take them to the imaginary dinosaur research facility that was “close by.” We also got a speaking to from our manager. Reddit User: [redacted]

The Wicked Ways of Cruella Deville 

I worked at Disneyland as a face character. Yes, one of those fun animal costumes. One woman always came to take a picture with her Flat Stanley that was dressed as Josh Groban. With actual chest hair, working with Cruella Deville sometimes was the best. She would tell the kids awful things when their parents weren’t looking. I almost broke character every time…. 

We would also jump on rides during our sets as the characters so that we didn’t have to deal with autographs and the dirty kids who were running around. The best would be having dirty martinis on our lunch break at the Grand California. Horribly great times, that’s what I would call them. Is there a better way to describe it? Reddit User: [redacted]

Scaring People Sober 

I worked at Universal Hollywood for a bit. I first was an actor for horror nights, then entertainment, and then as a show costumer. We had this vodka that was actually intended to be used for cleaning the materials, but we would have shots of it instead. It was always more fun scaring people with a shot or two in your system….

The horror of the story came when our manager discovered what we had been doing; we should have used the old fill up the bottle with water trick. We kept asking for more for cleaning, and that was our first mistake. The true horror came soon after when we had to do the scaring of people in a completely sober state. Reddit User: [redacted]

The Real Bumper Cars

As a rider operator, I had so many stupid guests. I had one guy try to climb onto the top of a ski gondola car and put his beer bottle up there. He was about 40’ in the air. I mean, how stupid can you get? We also had lots of people trying to get their kids on rides that they were obviously way too small to be on…. 

I once had a short person who got annoyed at me for not letting him on the bumper cars. He was about 4” too short. We also definitely could make the bumper cars go faster, but no, we won’t do that for you. We instead crank them up during employee parties and double the normal speed. You really have to be careful not to actually crash then; it can get intense. Reddit User: kenny_boy019

Cinderella Can Be Ugly Too  

There was this one time that Chevy Chase screamed at me for not seating him at a “highly visible” table at Cinderella’s Royal Table at Walt Disney World. This is the restaurant in the castle. We moved him and his family to the largest table in the middle of the room. Several people flocked to him, asking him for his autograph….

While I was filling water glasses at his table, he grabbed my arm and screamed at me again, telling me to keep all of the “poor, sweaty, fat people” away from him. Later on, I decided to make a little mistake. This involved me “accidentally” spilling his drink all over him. I profusely apologized, but in my mind, I was thinking how much he deserved it. Reddit User: mrsrazzlee

The Legend of the Giant Squirrel 

I worked at Six Flags for a while. When I worked there, there was actually a giant squirrel that lived in what used to be known as Wiggle’s World. We used to have so much fun trying to spot him. We used to use our ride phones to give the word and report if there had been a sighting of this giant squirrel….

We would take tallies of the times we had seen it too. That’s kind of it for my story; not a horror story, I know. Oh, and we also got to play on the bumper cars every morning in order to “test” them out and make sure they were working. It was a great time working there compared to so many other horror stories I’ve heard from employees. Reddit User: latepostdaemon

Taking Control of the Track 

Wow, there are so many stories to share, but I have some from the days when I used to work at my local putt-putt course. We also had an arcade there and also some batting cages. I was in charge of managing the go-karts. We were pretty run down at the time, and I only had a few customers that would occasionally come in…. 

When they did come, I would let them completely take over the track and do whatever they wanted to. I would even let them go around the track the wrong way; it wasn’t like it could get much worse. I then also used to spray water on this one area of the track and let people practice doing 180s in their go-karts. Luckily, nothing ever went wrong. Reddit User: kylesfromspace

A Missing Person Report Gone Funny 

I worked emergency dispatch for a large theme park in Virginia. We dealt with a lot of lost kid reports. The worst was a woman who called to report her son missing. He wasn’t answering his phone, so I was taking his description. Fifteen years old, black hair, brown eyes, and then I asked what he was wearing. She had no clue, so she described every possible combination…. 

When the report was done, I asked for her location so I could report back to reunite them. She was in Ohio. Her son was on vacation without her and she wanted to check on him. I had to explain to her that I was not going to search for a teenage boy with black hair and brown eyes to ask if he’s lost. She screamed at me and said she couldn’t believe this is how we treat customers. It’s not my responsibility to babysit your kid. Reddit User: swingsetninja

A High Ponytail Won’t Do the Trick  

I worked at Legoland Windsor, which is located in England. I was there for three summers between attending university. There’s only a finite number of times that you can tell parents that their less than 1-year-old babies can’t go on several of the faster rides like the Pirate Ship and other roller coasters without sounding sarcastic and blunt. They think holding them is safe enough….

I got told once that I was a “short-ist” by a child’s parent because I wouldn’t let his kid go on the ride (she was way too short, and her Dad had tied her hair up trying to making it really high like Pebbles from the Flintstones…). I’m 5′ 1″, so I found it rather amusing being told that I’m unfair to short people. Trust me; if tying your hair up really high counted towards your height, I would have done that years ago. Reddit User: abbyoxc

Sparks Are Flying on the Track 

I worked at a very big park one summer. The carts were all limited on how fast they could go by the length of the throttle cable, but it was very easy to tie a string to the engine and weave it through the plastic body, so we had a few carts that would go extra fast if you pulled the string hidden down in the frame. The mechanics also had a few toy cars; one had two engines, one for each rear wheel, and two gas pedals…. 

Stomp on one while letting off the other and it would spin it right around hairpins at full speed. They had another that could hit probably 60mph; these aren’t racing karts either, so that was pretty fun. To run it on the tracks, you’d never be able to take corners that fast, so we drove to the outside of the turn, put the steel of the bumper ring around the cart against the steel wall on the track’s edge, and went right around. Reddit User: haftonburger

Not the Broken Boat

I used to work at a local mini theme park in my town for a little while. We had these old bumper boats. They were really not in good condition and always ended up dying with paying customers inside of them. We always got a talking to from the customers, and nothing was ever done about them to improve the experience….

But, one night, there was a little kid in one of these boats, and of course, the engine ended up dying. I then had to crawl into the boat to try and restart the engine. When I did, I proceeded to pull the cable back and smack the girl in the face with my elbow. It was no longer the broken boat that was causing the customers to be frustrated. Reddit User: PickleJarss

Waiting for Hours for a Ride 

I’m not a worker at an amusement park, but one year I went to a theme park on a senior class trip. A few of my friends and I waited a few hours just to get onto one of the major roller coasters. We had been waiting for the entire day for this moment, as it was all the hype during the time we went on the trip….

We were literally the next people in line when suddenly the ride was shut down. It was all thanks to a little kid who’d been too scared on the ride and had let go of his bladder. We then had to wait a whole other hour for the maintenance crew to clean it up. It was worth it, and I understood why that kid did what he did. Reddit User: s317sv17vnv

A Misplaced Item Causing Misplaced Anger 

This wasn’t me, but one time I was too chicken to go up a ride with my friends. I stayed chatting with one of the workers, and her sole job was to hang by the ride’s entrance and ask people not to go in with their bags. I asked her about the no-bag policy, and she told me that people used to steal the bags from the lockers….

Anyway, this one time, the wife of a politician realized her bag was missing after a ride. She made a huge fuss, and the entire park went into lockdown and closed. Police got involved, and some of the employees were taken to rooms to be intimidated and interrogated. One girl was even strip-searched. The bag later turned up on a completely different ride. Reddit User: permanentthrowaway

Deserted in an Empty Amusement Park  

I was working as a security guard at a theme park back when I was eighteen. On one particular evening, one of the rollercoasters that stopped in the station ended up getting rear-ended by another. Thank goodness there were no severe injuries, but there were still some people who got a little bit hurt from the accident….

I did, however, end up staying up all night after the park had closed, sitting on the coaster to ensure no lookie-loos or news media tried to get access to the cars. It was dark, and it was creepy. I was 18 years old in a closed and deserted amusement park. I think I win for amusement park worker horror stories. Reddit User: wired89

Swimming by the Rules  

I used to be a lifeguard at a water park with a bunch of slides. Some of them required a height check. Our supervisors told us that even if a child was 1/16” too short, they couldn’t ride. It was really frustrating because some of the lifeguards let kids that weren’t tall enough go on slides. This led to me getting a reputation….

When I turned kids away, parents would get angry and say, “Oh, we get the mean lifeguard now.” “The last one let them ride!” I loved when they reported me to the supervisor because then I got praised for enforcing rules. If a kid was exactly 48”, they could go get measured at the office and would be given a wristband to clear them. Reddit User: 69unicorn

Closing Down the Rides  

A huge storm was coming where I work and live. I was operating the railroad at the time. Unfortunately, we left the station right before they were able to call us to close the ride. So, as we were on our way, suddenly there was a huge downpour. Upon arriving at the station, we were immediately directed to an employee shelter….

Now, this is where even more of the interesting stuff happened. People were stranded at the station away from the entrance, wanting to ride back. I had specifically warned that the ride could close at any time before people boarded. We were told that we couldn’t suggest any shelter because that would make the park responsible. What a night. Reddit User: Kdog0073

A Heart-Stopping Summer 

I worked for one summer at a Nascar speed park, and it was probably the craziest summer of my life. There were so many injuries, but nothing ever happened. When working the go-kart tracks, if there was a wreck, you were expected to run across the tracks dodging cars and unlodge the stuck car all before more cars zoomed past…. 

The worst day, though, was on the Fourth of July watching a man having a heart attack because I was the first person to get to the car when it stopped and had to wait with him until an ambulance showed up. It was a seriously scary moment, but luckily the ambulance was quick on arrival. I still think about him today. Reddit User: Purpleandahalf

Two Real Horror Stories  

I worked at a large amusement park in the Tampa Bay area. Two stories from my time there come to mind. The roller coaster I worked on had no floors, and someone’s change from the front row fell out of their pocket and hit the person in the back row near their eye. The coaster came back with a lady bawling and blood all over her face…. 

We have rules in place for a reason people, and it’s not just for your safety, it’s for the safety of other people as well. The second story was that someone showed us what they had for lunch all over our elevator in 100 degree heat. There was also no air on. Let’s just say I drew the short straw on cleaning that up. Reddit User: InaneMumbling

Better Keep Your Mouth Shut Next Time 

I worked at an amusement park where one of our goals was to guest relate as much as possible. One day, a kid told me hello after looking at my nametag. The name wasn’t correct except for the first letter. I was having a pretty rough day, and I probably took it out on this kid more than I usually would have….

I then replied half-heartedly, without even really thinking or looking at the child properly, “Can you read, man?” His mother then stepped in at this point and told me that her kid was blind in one eye. I meant to apologize for what I had said but ended up making it worse. I asked, “Oh, he is?” It was a girl. Reddit User: SharpReel

It’s a Hit or Miss

There once was an idiot guy who kept putting tokens into the batting cage machine at the park where I worked. The ball would come out of the machine; he’d take a swing at the ball and of course end up missing the ball completely. This wasn’t what I was worried about, because it was clear that would happen….

He then proceeded to bend over and pick up the ball that he missed. He then was hit in the side of the head by a baseball flying at him at a speed of 65 MPH, and he was not wearing a helmet. He then took the company to the court about it, and his argument was based on the fact that he says he didn’t know there would be more than one ball. Reddit User: shortadamlewis

Too Good to Be Made Up 

I worked at a kid’s theme park about five or six years ago. I wasn’t there when this happened, but there are meerkats at the park as one of the attractions we offered. One woman decided it would be a good idea to help her young child lean over the enclosure with the meerkats inside it to get a better look…. 

Well, the kid was bitten by the meerkat. When the mum pulled her kid away from the nibbling meerkat, it didn’t let go and held onto the child’s hand as they lifted it out of the enclosure. So we had a bleeding young child, an escaped meerkat, and to top everything off, the mother had a heart attack. You can’t make this stuff up. Reddit User: notheOTHERboleyngirl

Bye-Bye to the Boats  

Well, at my park, we had these duck-themed paddle boats. The late-night shifts made this particularly scary. Anyway, I was working the ducks and tied up all the boats and went to check out, but I forgot the ride register, so I went back to get it. When I got there, two of the boats had drifted out into the middle of the lake…. 

I figured it was just that I messed up the knots, so I had to get my manager so he could use the motorboat to go and get them. He just looked at me dead on and said, “Leave them alone” and checked me out. The next day those two boats were gone and replaced with spares we had. I know it sounds like a really bad horror story, but it’s probably the scariest experience I’ve had. Reddit User: TheHypercriticalOne

Losing Faith in Humanity 

It really is true that adults are way worse than the kids at amusement parks. I’ve never worked at one, but my sister has, and the stories she’s told our family are just ridiculous. She always worked at our local amusement park during the summer for years and years, so she’s seen her fair share. The employees would rotate their jobs through the rides…. 

The carousel was everyone’s least favorite ride because people would be so insanely hostile about the ride. They had to call security on adults fighting over which horse they wanted to ride multiple times a day almost every day. That job destroyed her faith in humanity, and I think it would have done the same to mine. Reddit User: CaseyBergProductions

Sharing Your Lunch

I used to work at an amusement park, and let’s just say that you couldn’t pay me enough money to do it again…ever in my life. I was in charge of managing some of the bigger roller coasters, so you would often get bratty teenagers who constantly moaned about how long the lines were taking. Then one day, the big ride broke down, and people had to wait for even longer…. 

While I was explaining to some people in earshot what had happened and that it would be a while to fix, two teenage boys decided to share their lunch with me. I’m not talking about offering me a bite of their hot dogs; I’m talking about full-on missile launching them at me before running off and shouting how stupid the ride was anyway. Reddit User: [redacted]

Fun Times at the Amusement Park 

When I worked at a park, I was in charge of making sure that the safety mechanisms were working before the ride took off. Yes, it sounds very important, right? This involved checking the restraints on the roller coasters and making sure everyone was clipped in properly. I once slammed a sliding door restraint on a kid’s head, accidentally, of course….

This happened because they were trying to get out of the wrong end and stuck their head out. I opened up their cage as his head was stuck out of a small gap and slammed it right into his head. I asked if he was ok, and he said yes before running off. I then saw him burst into tears when he reached his parents; fun times. Reddit User: Jugglethe1st

Flying Off the Rail  

I worked at an amusement park about 10-15 years ago. They had just replaced the cars for a rollercoaster, and they had some problems. Several times, a wheel just flew off of one of the cars. We would have to rush there to place fences and search for the lost wheel. If I were a customer, I would have never come back….

The thing is that you think you’re pretty safe in an amusement park if you obey the rules and meet the height restrictions, but even there, weird accidents can happen. My biggest thing is that the owners of these places should keep a really close eye on their equipment to make sure things like wheels don’t go flying off. Reddit User: Blleh

The Upside Down Rescue Mission

When I was a young boy, my family went to the local carnival. It was nothing too amazing, mostly just booths and a tent. They only had three large rides. The usual tilt-a-whirl, Ferris wheel, and among them a roller coaster-type ride that was just one loop. The idea here was that you would climb in, and the ride would go back and forth and sometimes make a full loop….

However, this night, the sucker got stuck at the top. My little mind couldn’t wrap around it all fully, but it was packed with people who had to sit for about an hour until a rescue could be properly done. A long time later, I learned that no one was harmed, but while still young, I always wondered where that thing went to in the upcoming years. Reddit User: Atlusfox

Bad Parents: The Real Deal 

I worked in an amusement park during my teens. I was in the area that had rides for younger children, many of which the parents could accompany them on. Without a doubt, the parents were the worst thing about working there. The number of parents that would find any and all reason to complain and moan because they knew if they did it enough, they would get free tickets or a refund….

The kids were amazing and excited to get on the rides, but the parents were horrible. The number of fights between grown adults that I’ve had to break up is insane, and the number of parents that yelled at me because their little Billy didn’t get the blue plane still makes me angry. I once had this Keegan Michael look-alike jump the safety barrier and confront me because his kid started crying because I made him sit beside his brother. Reddit User: Blade2587

While working at an amusement park is not for the faint of heart, wait until you hear what kinds of things tour guides have witnessed while giving tours. From using the bathroom in the middle of a public park to taking over the controls in a bush plane, these tour guides share the most outrageous things they’ve ever seen tourists do during a tour…

If you’ve ever been on an organized tour of a city that you’re visiting, you might have noticed that you tend to hear certain rules repeated over and over again. “Don’t feed the animals,” “Don’t get close to the edge,” “Don’t touch.” But honestly, how many tourists really listen? Tour guides have undoubtedly had to endure more than their fair share of poor behavior by people in their group, there’s no doubt about that.

Some rules might seem just downright stupid when you’re in a tour group, but they’re usually there for a very good reason. And while it’s true that sometimes tour guides are just being sticklers, enforcing rules that aren’t really actually necessary, can you truly blame them? Apparently, certain tourists would answer ‘yes.’ Here are some of the worst things that tour guides have reported tourists having done while out on one of their tours…

The DNR

On this one particular diving tour, this older man, while signing the safety waivers,  kept telling us that he had a DNR (do not resuscitate) order. We plainly said to him that we are not bound to a DNR, and if he were to pass out for any reason, we would attempt to resuscitate him by our safety training. Most of the divers assumed that he was going to try something while down there, probably by spitting out the regulator and going quietly into the night….

The dive happens, and everyone is keeping a close eye on the guy. I see him go behind a large coral head, lay down in the sand, and spit out his reg, just as we thought he would. Because he is only about 60 feet deep, I grab him and wrestle him to the surface.

He refuses to take my back-up regulator, so I have no choice but to slam it against his mouth and purge air into his face….When we get to the surface, he is fighting me nonstop and trying to pull all his gear off. I throw a very hard punch to his jaw to knock him out. Three weeks later, he tries to sue my dive shop. Reddit User: Winkus

I Only Wanted One

I was working on a tourist island in Australia; we’ve seen our fair share of visitors, some of whom have done some odd things. The most memorable one I can remember was when a man from my tour group pulled out almost all the back feathers of a peacock.

Why did he do that? Because he wanted to keep one….He did it by sneaking up behind the bird, grabbing a huge handful, and yanking them all out at once. He was immediately escorted off the island. The peacock was left with a huge bare patch. Reddit User: mugsandcoveve

No Bathroom In Sight

The company I work for tours the streets and parks of the city where I live. Before we begin, I always make a point to mention that participants should use the toilets at the beginning of the tour, as they are the only ones for the first 90 minutes of the trip.

On a random day while touring a park, just 30 minutes in, I see a man from my group step away to do something unexpected….He pulls down his pants, squats on the grass, and goes right there. It’s not a big park, basically a big roundabout with a swing set, bench, and two trees.

I’m in the middle of my speech and he just squats down and does it like no one is watching. I was so stunned that I lost my flow, which had everyone looking around only to watch in horror as this guy drops a log in a public place. He wasn’t even ashamed. Reddit User: funktopuss

The CO2

I work at a brewery taproom, and we take people on tours of the brewery all the time. On the tour, I explain to the groups that during fermentation, CO2 (carbon dioxide) is produced, and the excess comes out through a run-off pipe and into a water bucket.

One of the attendees, who was already being a pain, asked me what the pipe was for, so I gladly explained, again….He then asked what would happen if he breathed it in. I told him he would pass out, and that there could be brain damage. He proceeded to grab the pipe and take a deep breath. He was escorted off the premises. Reddit User: tedandrassy

Calling The Coast Guard

Approximately 15 years ago, I worked as a deckhand on a line of boats that took people to and from Fort Sumter. The trip was about an hour each way, and we were one of the few companies that did the service. One day, when we were about halfway to our destination, two teenagers decided it would be fun to jump off and try to swim to shore….

For those who don’t know, this is in Charleston harbor, which has a pretty solid tidal current, plenty of boat traffic floating around, and probably more sharks than you would like to think about. We ended up having to perform a water rescue on them before continuing to the fort. Once we got there, the Coast Guard came to pick them up to take them back to the mainland. All in all, an extreme act of stupidity. Reddit User: el_schkwappo

Taking Control

I’m a bush pilot in Alaska, and occasionally, the company I work for does glacier air tours when my boss asks, which I’m not a huge fan of. One day while doing a glacier tour with approximately seven people on board, the man sitting next to me just looks at me and says, “I’m the captain now….”

He then proceeds to go and yank the plane 30 degrees to the right by pulling on the steering wheel before letting go and laughing, saying that he was just kidding. Let’s just say that I did much more than just yell at him. Reddit User: OngoGablogian5

Being Sacrificed

While on a tour of Namibia, our Zimbabwean guide was telling us his craziest stories. He told us about a married couple who were on their honeymoon. One night while everyone was sitting around the fire, they got up to go to the bathroom. Then, a few minutes later, the guy ran back alone, crying and panicking….

When they asked him what happened, he said, “I think my wife was just slain by a lion.” Everyone is in shock and asking him what happened when his irate wife walks up to the campsite, yelling at him. It turns out that they’d walked off, and at some point near the toilets, they both heard a noise in the underbrush….

The husband ends up freaking out and pushed his wife towards the noise and down to the ground. He then ran away. Not only did they not speak for the rest of the trip, but they wound up getting a divorce when they went back home. Reddit User: forty_two42

Stay Away From The Middle

I’m not a tour guide, but I was on a tour with my family in Dominica that took us through a cavern system. The highlight of the tour was a beautiful waterfall that had sunlight peeking through. The tour guide told us a million times before going into the cavern, and when we were inside, to stay on the edge.

He emphasized that we should NOT try to go too close to the middle….Several people who had done it before had been sucked under, and many did not survive. One man completely ignored our guide in hopes of taking a selfie; the tour guide had to risk his own life to save him. Reddit User: Ms. Serious business

The Merlot Vines

I used to do vineyard and garden tours for a pretty well-known winery in my area. On this one tour, a lady asked to see the merlot vines we had, explaining how much she enjoyed the beverage. I didn’t think anything of it, so I walked her over to where they were growing.

The woman proceeded to dump ash all over them….While doing so, she yelled, “We love you, Nana! Rest in peace!” You are not allowed to dump human remains on food goods. It was an absolute nightmare for the company. Reddit User: cheese_and_krakens

Feeding The Sharks

I’m a tour guide/boat captain in the Caribbean, where we usually have 40 to 50 people on the boat. We would go feed swimming pigs, which occasionally resulted in someone getting nipped by them from doing something that they were not supposed to be doing, but it’s never too serious….

The next stop was at another island where we would hand feed turtles, sharks, and stingrays. We would tell people to hold the food with their palm open near the middle for the stingrays, and they would come over the top and take it. For the turtles and the sharks, put the food in the water, holding it at the tips, and when they come over, let go….

This man decided to try and do things his own way. While he was trying to feed a baby shark that was no longer than your forearm, he didn’t let go. The shark bit his fingers, making him scream and jump up out of the water. Reddit User: SketchyMedicalAdvice

Checking To See If It Works

I once volunteered at a hospital for patient transport, and one day, I was charged with showing some of the hospital’s largest donors and their guests around for them to see how their money had been spent. The responsibility fell to me because I had keys to all the rooms except the pharmacy (but I still had access to it).

Among the group was a rich wife and her son, who reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. They acted so stupidly that I thought that I was on a hidden camera show. Not only did she try to open the pharmacy door, but she was very upset when she could not open it. Her son, on the other hand, stuck his hand in cake batter, forcing them to dump 5 gallons of batter because of contamination….

But that’s not all. When we entered the pediatric ward, the alarm went off, and we immediately went into lockdown because the son decided to check how well the baby proximity alarms worked. Security ended up pressing charges for theft. Reddit User: Suitology

Why Are You Here?

I’m a former whitewater rafting guide. As a part of the tour, there’s a calmer section of the river where people can, if they choose to, hop out and swim through. They’re required to wear life jackets so they can just float through it. There was this one woman who decided that she wanted to try it and hopped out….

After a while, she pops up and slowly tilts forward until only the back of her jacket is out of the water, and she is completely still. After 5 or so seconds, I start to realize that it might not be intentional, so I paddle over to check on her. I physically pick her head up above the water, and she’s gasping for air.

I haul her in the boat and ask what happened. She says she didn’t know what to do, as she’d “never been submerged in water before.” Well, 1) why are you on a whitewater rafting trip? and 2) why didn’t your strategy involve moving your body? Reddit User: b771

Soooo Shiny!

My cousin is a tour guide and biologist in Africa, and he told me the following story. He instructed his group of about 20-25 people, including kids, not to wear any type of earrings or collars, especially shiny stuff, since they were about to go into a thick forest to try to see a bunch of animals….

This is very important, because shiny stuff can be spotted from far away. This woman complains about it but decides to wear shiny earrings anyway. My cousin tells her to get rid of them or she will not be going with the group, so she obeys.

Little did he know, she decided to put them on a bit later. A certain species of monkeys in the area LOVED shiny stuff. They ripped the earrings from her ears. When she began to complain, my cousin just ignored her. She had been warned. Reddit User: [redacted]

Australia’s Uluru

We were in Australia visiting the wonder that is Uluru on one of my company’s many tours. There was a section where it was so sacred to the natives that photographs, among many other things, were not permitted. There were several people in my group, and I thought that it was safe to step away from this one couple to take in the amazing views….

When I came back approximately only seven minutes later to check on them, I saw them together, but they wouldn’t wearing their clothing. They were going at it like there was no one else there. In such a sacred place, no less. Reddit User: WindInTheGarden

Snatching It Out Of The Water

I’m a boat tour guide in a famous tourist city. I once had an elderly Chinese woman on my boat who was baiting the ducks and geese towards her with bread. As soon as this one poor duck got close enough, she just snatched it out of the water like nothing I’ve ever seen.

She then opened her purse and started stuffing this duck into it! I start yelling at her trying to get her to stop, and the younger men in her group started shouting at me for shouting at her. In the end, she released it, but not without the duck losing half its feathers! Reddit User: spencerjust

Beating An Allergic Reaction

Back in college, I used to give tours of my campus, which had a dairy farm that made milk for the campus. Usually, towards the end of the tour, the farm would give the visitors some free milk, and they were happy to sample it and get on with the tour.

Fifteen or so minutes after the milk was handed out, a lady tells me she needs her allergy medication or her throat would close up. Concerned about her, I asked what happened, after calling for a golf cart for her to be taken to where her medication was.

She then goes and tells me that she’s allergic to milk. I then asked her why she drank it if she knew that she had an allergy to it. She just shrugged and told me that she somehow thought she could drink it quickly enough. Reddit User: Veni-Vedi-Defui

Insensitive Selfies

I’m not a tour guide, but I was recently on a tour of the Dachau concentration camp, and this family in our group (two girls in their twenties and their parents) started taking selfies in front of the crematorium ovens. It was literally the most emotional part of the tour. The guide was reading witness accounts, and when we looked up, these two girls were having an Instagram photoshoot with an oven in the background.

When our tour guide told them they were being inappropriate and tried to make them delete the pictures, their mom got in his face and started telling him that he had no right to say anything. Events like these make you question humanity. Reddit User: mellbell13

Bill & Ted’s Disobedient Adventure

I worked at a living history farm museum, where we would get all kinds of visitors, but mostly kids. During this one tour, a kid kept climbing on stuff trying to get into the blacksmith shop, while his mother tried to tame him. After the tour, visitors were allowed to roam the grounds. All of a sudden, I hear his mom screaming.

When I look over to see what’s going on, the kid climbed the fence into the field where the longhorn oxen were. To make matters worse, he was trying to poke them with a stick. I walk over and calmly tell him to get out of the field before they retaliate, but he looks me in the eye and smacks one (named Ted) on the butt.

Ted jumps a little and whips his head around to see what hit him, but seeing as he’s a longhorn, he wipes this kid out with one of his horns as he turns his head around. The child goes flying into the dirt and begins to have a meltdown while the mom is freaking out beyond control.

I tell him to hurry and get out before Ted gets mad. By total fluke, another ox named Bill, who’d been watching the entire time, nudges the child in the butt; he falls over the fence, but is okay in the end. That could have been a total disaster. Reddit User: PtolemyShadow

The Everglade Park Bench

I’m not a tour guide, but the wildest thing happened when I was a participant on a tour of the Everglades. Our group (including our tour guide) wound up witnessing a French woman go on to sit on a 16-foot alligator because she thought it was a statue.

Thank goodness nothing ended up happening to her, but everyone realized she was doing it as its head started moving….It was absolute chaos. The tour guide ended up kicking her and her friends off the tour for not staying on the path. Reddit User: lcat729

A Chip Off The Ol’ Block

I wasn’t a tour guide, just one of the people in the tour group. We were visiting a very fancy museum, and I watched as this kid proceeded to chip off a piece of a really expensive sculpture. It happened while he was playing within the restricted area.

And his parents didn’t bother to remove him. I didn’t get to see whether the family had to pay a fine for the destruction of the statue, but they definitely should have had to. It was such a shame, and made me question the values of the parents. Reddit User: kaarlsson

A 3000-Year-Old Indian Painting

I’m a teacher of a middle school class, and as part of the curriculum, we were supposed to take them on various tours around the city. One day, I took the class to a museum, and one of my students ended up dragging his dirty hands across a 3000-year-old Indian painting….

Later on, I found out the object was almost certainly a reproduction, and not an original, but I nearly died of rage on the spot when I saw my student use the painting as his personal hand towel. Never again was I going to take them back there. Reddit User: AleredEgo

The Accidental Fire

I work at the National Cathedral, and we get all kinds of visitors, but nothing too weird ever happens. There was this one incident when a tourist took a small votive candle inside the church and accidentally ended up lighting their friend’s hat on fire.

It didn’t spread or set off any alarms, but it got through most of his hat and almost caught all his hair on fire….The guy whose hat caught on fire was overreacting and decided that the best way to get rid of the hat was to throw it into the organ. We had to borrow a ladder to get it out. Reddit User: not_hacking

Shutting It Down

I’m not a tour guide, but what I’m about to describe happened while a group of people, including myself, were being given a tour of a milk packaging factory where we intended to shoot a commercial. The control was extremely tight, and we needed special permission just to get inside.

Once we’re inside, the director goes over to one side of the factory to check the lighting to make sure that we’ll be able to shoot all our angles. He uses his phone to take photographs of the whole place to keep as a reference, and then it happens. He dropped his phone.

Yep. He dropped it into an open vat of milk….The factory had to shut down immediately because over 150,000 liters of milk had to be dumped out. The vats had to be washed and sterilized, and the health inspector had to be called down so that production could restart. Reddit User: Makemistreaks

Losing To A Turtle

I used to work as a tour guide at a university, and my job was to take small groups into the garden to show off the unique turtle pond we had. This one prospective student was really excited when she saw them and wanted to get a close up of the largest turtle in the pond….

She goes up to it, and somehow she ended up losing her phone to the turtle. She then tried to get the university to buy her a brand new one, which wasn’t happening. She was actually pretty lucky that she still had all her fingers. Reddit User: Bengmann

Stealing Auschwitz

I wasn’t a tour guide, nor was I on the tour, but I know the people who were there very well. They were the guys I used to play cricket with on weekends. They once went on a school trip to Auschwitz (the largest concentration camp in Poland) and decided to steal a few items.

It included a small pair of glasses, and some buttons they’d found half-buried in the ground. On their way out, they were detained by Polish police. I don’t know how things ended up exactly. I also don’t know what goes through people’s heads sometimes. Just shockingly foolish, and inappropriate behavior. Reddit User: manbearnoodle

“Well, I Told You So”

This was not a tour, but a show where there were several mini crocodile-iguana type things (I’m not sure what they’re called). There was this kid who decides to take his shoe off and wiggle his toes through the small gate. The presenter says, “Watch your kid, these animals will bite….”

The child removes his foot for a second, then puts it back in when the presenter turns around. He proceeds to wiggle his toes again, and this dragon thing surges forward and clamps down on them. He starts to scream, and the presenter just looks on like “well I told you so”and removes the animal from his toes….He stops screaming, and no one says anything. That’s what you get for ignoring instructions. Reddit User: Blue_Seas

Saving The Penguins

Where I work, we’re pretty good at stopping tourists from doing too much damage when they come to visit our penguin sanctuary. After being in the industry for a certain period of time, you get a “spidey sense” for when people are going to do dumb things and can often stop them from doing anything bad, except this one time….

I was seven months pregnant, and it was the week before I went on maternity leave. I was driving out to one of our sites, and to get there, I had to drive through our penguin colony. This particular species of penguin burrows underground and stays hidden in their burrow during the day and comes out at night. As I’m driving out to the site, I realize that the parking lot up ahead is full, and people have started parking up and down the road….

All of a sudden, I see a giant SUV pull off the road and drive into the penguin colony. There were approximately 20 non-English-speaking tourists piling out and taking selfies with the ocean backdrop. As calmly as I could, I point out the “no entry” signs and inform them they may have harmed penguins, and to get out of the colony….

Once I got them out, I started digging out the collapsed burrows to check for penguins. In the last one was a breeding pair. The male reached up and grabbed my top lip with his beak and ripped straight through the middle. I’m fine now, my lip healed without a scar. As for the penguins, I popped them into a nearby unoccupied burrow. Thankfully none were harmed by being run over. Reddit User: NipponNiGajin

The Theorist

I gave tours of my university to prospective students and their parents very often. During this one tour with a young woman and her mother, the mom tried to recruit me into a popular pyramid scheme. And then, when I tried to change the subject by asking what she did in her spare time, she told me about topics that she gives public talks on….

She went on to describe a bunch of different conspiracy theories, like how the moon landings were faked by Stanley Kubrick, who was shortly thereafter disposed of by the CIA and replaced by an alien clone. I made the tour as short as possible. Reddit User: bluecheese12

Doing Nothing Wrong

I was a tour guide on an open-topped tour bus in London when this woman was trying to dangle her toddler over the railing. When I told her that it was not allowed, she said to me that she was going to complain to my manager. I ended up catching her doing it again.

According to the company’s policy, anyone endangering their kids was to be removed from the tour…. So, the driver came up and asked her to leave. She insisted she did nothing wrong. This woman had her kid’s feet on the side rail of the moving vehicle. Reddit User: QuokkaMocha

Taking Some Of It Home

I was on a tour of a small cave system somewhere in West Texas. It was really beautiful, and I kid you not, right after the guide told us how long it takes for all the stalagmites and stalactites to form, another guy on the tour goes on to lean over and snap off a small one.

He then just shoved it in his pocket…. I was so surprised that I just stared at him. He then smiled and winked at me like two of us had both gotten away with something illegal. I felt bad like I was a co-conspirator or something. Reddit User: Sonsea2

Don’t Feed The Animals

A while back, I was invited to a resort on a private island off the coast of Mexico. I didn’t really want to be there, and it didn’t help that everything on sale was way out of my price zone. The only thing that I was interested in was a 20-foot cliff jump attraction.

While in the line, we were surrounded by coati (a type of Mexican raccoon)….A young girl gave it some food, which we’d all been advised against, and was immediately bitten on the hand and was bleeding quite badly. My brother tied his shirt around her wrist and walked her to the bottom. Reddit User: RenandStimulants

Different Types Of Visitors

I was the curator of a castle in the United Kingdom. The keep was in ruins but it still stood over four stories high and was located on the edge of a cliff. We had so many problems with visitors that sometimes I wanted them to completely stop letting visitors in….

The number of tourists that would climb up the crumbling stonework just to have their picture taken was unbelievable. Not only was it a 300-foot drop, but you would land on solid stone if you did fall. When it comes to the Americans, they would try pry bits of the stonework off to take home as souvenirs….

It got so bad at one point that when we did the restoration work on it, we ended up having to leave the extra chippings in a garbage can that was near the gate so people could take them home rather than chip away at the castle itself. Reddit User: Catsnbears

Survived A Volcanic Blast, Destroyed By Children

While on a tour of Pompeii, the tour guide nearly had a brain aneurysm when he noticed that some American parents had decided to let their children start picking up rocks out of one of the historic houses. The Italian guide started screaming at the family.

She said to them, “These houses survived a volcano blast, but they are going to be done in by your children while you do nothing!” The parents watched as the man shouted and still, they did nothing. The children then proceeded to climb and destroy things along the entire tour. Even the other guests were annoyed. Reddit User: [redacted]

Doing More Harm Than Good

I worked at a ski guide industry, working my way up to becoming a lead guide. Some of the guests had a penchant for wanting to cause self-harm, but there’s one that stands out. One day while sweeping a tree run, there’s a man digging frantically in the snow towards a pair of legs….

His wife had fallen head-first downslope. Half of her body was buried in the snow, and only her legs and feet were visible. Her husband thought it was a good idea to stand on top where her face would be and start digging near the exposed part of her body….

I was approximately 3 minutes behind them, so her face had been buried for some time. I told him to stop and move, literally yelling, “STOP YOU’RE STANDING ON HER FACE,” but nothing, he continued to dig. I had to grab him by the backpack and send him hurtling down the slope…. I uncovered her face in less than 10 seconds. After she gasped for air and had a good cry, she proceeded to tear that man to pieces verbally. Reddit User: Chasingsnowflakes

The Stellar Review

A few months out of college and one week into my new job, I gave a tour to an English professor (and his family) who openly criticized everything I said and got irritated when I did not have more information about the items that he was interested in. The tour ended up being much longer than the designated hour because of his comments and rude behavior.

But I kept cool….When the tour was over, his wife came up to me, thanked me, and slipped me a $50 bill. She apologized for her husband’s attitude, and a week later, my boss came in to tell me that someone gave me a stellar review. Reddit User: EpicKri5

Being Scarred For Life

I was a ghost tour guide in Marietta, Georgia, and on this one tour, we had an entire group of girl scouts. There were 13 thirteen-year-old girls with me when I’m telling the riveting story of Hangman’s Alley – a pretty great rendition. But when I looked, no one was listening….

So I got more into it, but they’re still staring off into space. They weren’t ignoring me; they were staring at something right behind me. I turn around and immediately recognized the strange silhouette of a homeless person doing something with his pants that he was not supposed to be doing, and then I remember that there are minors present….

One girl immediately starts crying when she sees the guy, and then the parents were mad at me for causing the incident. They insisted that I go and file a police report and that I be charged with exposing the girls to such a thing. Reddit User: SuchKarmaSoDoge

Blinding The Penguins

I’m not a tour guide, but I spent about six months living in Melbourne at the end of a pier where there was a small colony of penguins. This specific breed goes out fishing during the day and comes back once it’s dusk. They’re a huge tourist attraction and always draw a large crowd….

There are several signs everywhere saying to stay on the walkways and not to use flash photography. One night while watching the penguins come in, this woman starts taking picture after picture with her flash on. The many volunteers stationed at the site go over and tell her to stop.

But then, she begins to run away from them, still taking photos….She takes things a step further by coming back around and still using flash photography on as many penguins as she could while shouting that she should be allowed to do whatever she wanted. Reddit User: c0nsume0

Ruining This Natural Beauty

I was once on a tour at Yellowstone National Park, and as my group walked along, I watched as several children and their parents threw all sorts of things like rocks and garbage into Morning Glory. There were multiple signs asking people not to throw anything into it because it clogs the spring, causing discoloration….

There are only three natural rainbow pools in the world, and Morning Glory happens to be one of them. And it’s people who act like that who are the ones that get parks shut down and ruin the beauty of nature for everyone. Reddit User: Swaghunter24

Walking To Her End

For a while, I worked as a white-water rafting guide in Alaska. After the first half of the tour, we stopped for lunch on a gravel bar. Then, we were supposed to continue. While getting back into the boats, this one guest took one step into the boat and then a second step right out at the other side.

She went straight into the roaring rapids…Just to clarify, she didn’t fall in, she just calmly decided to walk right over the edge and ended up pinned under a partially submerged tree 300 yards downstream. It took 5 guides to rescue her. Reddit User: yzpilot

Trying To Grab On

I work as a guide for a snorkeling company, and guests often do silly things while on the tour, but there are some people who do some really dumb things. On one of my dives, a man in my group tried to grab the tail of a barracuda as he swam up behind it….

Luckily, I was able to hit the guest with a dive fin just in time before he got a hold of the fish’s tail. If he had grabbed onto it, I’m almost certain that this genius would have ended up being ripped to pieces by the barracuda. Reddit User: fkirwan82