Ex-Lovers Reveal Their Craziest Breakup Stories Ever

Ever had to block a former beau on social media because they just flew straight off the handle after you two broke up? Parting ways with someone, whether after days, months, or years, is one of the toughest things about relationships. Unfortunately, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll have to have this tough conversation with someone at least once.

One thing’s for sure- relationships always turn out one of two ways: they either last forever, or they don’t. But sometimes, the parting isn’t amicable…at all. Whether one partner seeks revenge or just schemes to pull off something clever for revenge, breakups are rarely easy, and these people have come together to share the very worst of their breakup stories…

Cheetah Print Hair 

I was dating this guy who dyed his hair cheetah print. Something about that dye job changed him. Not over time, instantly. At lunch, I had to sit him down and have a talk with him about it. He took my hand and said I needed to accept him for the new person he was, which I guess was a cheetah or something, so I told him I had to set him free.

He looked at me with these knowing eyes, and that ended the most awkward 4-day relationship I’ve ever had. Reddit user: [redacted]

The Phone Call That Never Happened

Once, a woman broke up with me over a very weird conversation…that simply had not ever occurred. She was making references to it. The conversation was apparently over the telephone; I had called her at work. I was dumbfounded. I told her that I didn’t remember any of this, and I did not even speak with her that day. 

She refused to believe me and broke up anyway. That was dodging a bullet in my life if I’m being real. Reddit user: [redacted]

The Airport Dump

I was engaged and went away for the summer to work at a school in Central America. On the day I returned, I had a layover in Houston on my way back to Portland. While sitting at my terminal, I was paged over the intercom to pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.

It was my fiancé paging me, at the airport, to tell me he couldn’t pick me up in Portland because he’d fallen in love with another woman. Our airport break-up was the last time I spoke to him. Reddit user: [redacted]

You’re a Cage, I’m a Bird 

Sometimes the weirdest breakups are the first ones we can remember. This occurred during my junior high years. Think early awkward preteens. Anyways, I was riding the bus home with my “girlfriend,” and we were awkwardly holding hands, and then her stop came up. She looked at me, grabbed my other hand, kissed my cheek, and said, “You are a cage, and I’m a bird.” 

“This is over.” And then she walked away, and that was the last time I conversed with her. Reddit user: [redacted]

He Didn’t Like Her Hair

I dated a girl in high school who was an “actress.” One day, she came to school with her hair in cornrows (for one of her plays, but I had no idea), and it was also dyed purple or pink. When I sat down with her at lunch, she asked me, in front of all of her friends, if I thought she looked beautiful. 

I said, “In all honesty, I preferred your older hairstyle.” She then proceeded to call me shallow (in front of all her friends) and broke up with me. Reddit user: [redacted]

Moved Across the Country

I met a really cute chick back in the days of MySpace. Hung out a number of times, everything was going very well and getting more serious, and then she didn’t call for a few days. I left a few messages but didn’t get anything until about two weeks later, when I got a call from a random number. 

Turns out one night she just up and decided to move across the country. Never quite understood that one. Reddit user: [redacted]

Laugh Through the Awkwardness

We were in high school, and I knew I didn’t feel the same way about him as he did about me, so I decided to end it. I asked him to drive me home from school; we parked for a minute, and I proceeded to try and tell him that it was over between us as far as the relationship was concerned.

The only thing is that sometimes I laugh when I get anxiety…and I mean hysterical, gasping laughs. It took me ten minutes to get my point across. He didn’t think it was funny. Reddit user: [redacted]

The Polyamorous Breakup

A few years ago, my husband and I got into a polyamorous relationship with another couple. (Everyone dated everyone individually while all together also). We lived together in one house. We shared a room and co-parented our kids. A few years down the track, my husband and I split. The other marriage split shortly after, and we remain currently in a living wife swap.

I don’t think I’ll ever have a worse breakup than losing my husband and my girlfriend in one hit. So yeah, that’s my worst. Reddit user: [redacted]

Take Their Dares Seriously

I’m all for going all-in on a dare, but this was too far. I ended up dating a girl for the second time after not being together for many years. Within the first month of being together again, she confessed to cheating on me because, while she was single, she made an “I dare you” with someone that the next time they met, they would get together. 

She tried for so long to convince me that I should forgive her because she “took dares seriously, even if it meant ruining a relationship.” Reddit user: [redacted]

Don’t Make a Scene

It was our one-year anniversary, and he took me to a very popular restaurant, on the patio, which faced onto a major street, on a Saturday night. We sat down, and he immediately broke up with me. I said something like, “Why on earth would you be so cruel as to do this in front of 200 people?”

And he said, “Oh, a friend said that I should do it in public so there wouldn’t be a scene.” That’s when I broke my wine glass and walked out. Reddit user: [redacted]

Slobber Lips Gets Dumped 

We all have to learn how to kiss, but this guy REALLY needed to learn how. Hopefully he peaked after high school. I was the first kiss of my second high school boyfriend. Needless to say, he wasn’t awesome at it. He’d kiss my cheek or hand at school, and it’d leave a slobber string up to his mouth.

It started to embarrass me, because he was clearly bad at it. I ended up breaking up with him because he hadn’t learned how to kiss better after a year, despite my attempts. Reddit user: [redacted]

Having an Affair

When I was 19, my dad forced me to break up with my boyfriend and threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn’t, claiming that he was “toxic, and long-distance relationships aren’t real.” A week later, it came out that my dad had been having an affair for 3 months, and then he left our family.

I got back together with that boyfriend, and we’re getting married this August. Things are good. Reddit user: [redacted]

Over the Kiss Cam

Just like a lot of people, I used to imagine myself with someone handsome, having a great time at some kind of sports event, and then the kiss cam would come onto us. We would kiss, and everyone would cheer. You know, something right out of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and that sort of thing.

We went to a Mets game, and the kiss cam finally came over to us. I leaned in, and instead of giving me a kiss, he leaned in and said, “We’re done,” got up, and left. Reddit user: [redacted]

Other Fish in the Sea 

It may be a good indication that your significant other is crazy if they name their pet after you. My now ex-girlfriend had pet fish in an aquarium, and after we’d dated for a while, she bought some new fish and named one of them after me. A couple of weeks later, we broke up.

Fast forward a week, and I get an email. From my crazy ex. It was an email without any text, but it had a picture. A picture of the fish named after me impaled on a fork. Reddit user: [redacted]

McDonald’s Out the Window

We were sitting in his car, and I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore. He began to cry hysterically and was banging his head on the headrest in the car; he said I was such a horrible person and wanted to know how I could “break his heart like this.” 

He abruptly stopped crying, looked me square in the eyes, picked up the McDonalds food he bought, and rolled down the window. He said, “If you don’t want my love, you don’t get to eat” and threw the bag out the window. Reddit user: [redacted]

Shards of Glass 

I finally broke up with her after she cheated on me in her room at her house (so I could leave rather than try to get her to). When I said it, without even thinking about it, she grabbed her jewelry box and chucked it at her window. Then she started grabbing chunks of broken glass and throwing them at me. 

After she found out that I had told people about it, she went even crazier and came to my house one night to throw a barbecue through my bedroom window. Reddit user: [redacted]

She Laid Down on a Busy Street 

Remember that sweet scene in The Notebook where they lie down in the street? This isn’t the same story. Back in high school, I asked my then-current girlfriend to meet me at the park for a talk; this was before we could drive. After I broke up with her, she proceeded to lie down in the middle of the street (not a quiet one either) and told me she wasn’t getting up until I took her back. 

It was at that point that I congratulated myself on my decision and walked away. Dodged a bullet. Reddit user: [redacted]

My Ex Became a Stalker

One of my exes became a super stalker. He somehow followed me in his car after I hung out with friends, forced my car to the side of the road with his car angled in front of mine, and approached my car saying, “Hey, can we talk?” with a smile. I rolled the window down less than an inch and said, “No, please leave.”

He kept trying to talk to me, and I continued to just ask him to leave. He finally did. Creepiest experience in my life. Reddit user: [redacted]

600 Miles Away

He got another girl pregnant, so I broke up with him. He then proceeded to call non-stop, kidnap (catnap) my kitty, and text me death threats. I ended up getting my kitty back, and he chased my car down the street screaming my name. I moved 600 miles away and haven’t dealt with him since.

It’s one thing to mess with a person, but to also steal their cat? I feel like that guy had a little more to worry about than a breakup. Reddit user: [redacted]

He Wrote Stories 

An ex of mine carved my name in his arms in an effort to guilt trip me. He also told my current significant other, who I started dating a few months after the breakup, that he’d kill himself to haunt him and wrote stories (which he put online) in which he horribly murdered me…and still somehow figured I’d take him back.

Last I heard, he was institutionalized for a while. It’s a shame they didn’t keep him there; if he wasn’t such a melodramatic loser, I might have feared for my safety. Reddit user: [redacted]

Sought Revenge 

During the breakup with my ex of five years, she told me she was disgusted with me physically, and that is why we did not have intimacy anymore (it was a nasty breakup). Well, me being the irrational person I am, I decided to prove to her in a ridiculous manner that I was in fact not disgusting.

I began a year and a half campaign to hook up with all of her past and present friends. I mostly succeeded, being able to get with about 75% of them. Reddit user: [redacted]

 12-Hour Bus Ride

 I broke up with a guy who I was in a long-distance relationship with (we were teenagers, and his parents moved away). He stole money from his parents, took a bus for 12 hours to get to the city I lived in, and broke into my house in the middle of the night, all while I was actually there, asleep. 

He then proceeded to cut his wrists in my kitchen and said he was going to kill me too, but he was too weak after cutting his wrists to hold the knife, so I was able to call for help. Reddit user: [redacted]

 No One Forgets Me 

My senior year of high school, I dated a guy who had been a good friend since freshman year. We had a lukewarm relationship, but it was pleasant. Then, on our two-month anniversary (at the time, it seemed like quite the commitment), he dumped me over coffee, saying that he sometimes forgot I was his girlfriend. 

I jumped into my car, and right before I slammed the door shut, I yelled, “No one forgets me!” as it started to rain. The whole boring relationship was worth it just so that I could experience such a cinematic moment. Reddit user: [redacted]

He Just Can’t Let Go 

My ex ripped a picture off the wall that he’d made for me. Then he ripped it into pieces, and on the way out, drew a question mark on it and left it on the front door of my building. Then he called me and screamed at me while driving off. I could still hear him for quite a ways into the distance. 

Then he called my parents and told them they could no longer be in contact. Then he started to stalk my Facebook so he could make fun of everything I did on his web journal. Reddit user: [redacted]

Poke Needles

I had a girlfriend when I was 18 with crazy eyes, but I just ignored it until she started talking about having a kid together. Well, one day I walked into my room, and I caught her poking holes in our condom stash with a tiny needle. We got in a huge fight and broke up after that.

Two days later, I came home, and she had broken into my house, took like 30 aspirin, and was lying on my bed convulsing, covered in pictures of me. Teenage girls are crazy. Reddit user: [redacted]

Faking a Pregnancy

I think my best friend wins the crazy breakup story competition. Her boyfriend broke up with her, and she wanted him back. She decided to pretend that she was pregnant with his baby. She printed out ultrasounds from the internet and showed his entire family. He let her move in with him, and they got back together. 

She was trying to get pregnant since, you know, they were expecting a baby in 8 months. She eventually did get pregnant two months later. They’re still unhappily together with a 4-year-old. Reddit user: [redacted]

 She Wants the Grill Back

I was dating this girl, and after dating for about three months, she bought a George Foreman grill for my apartment. It was the best thing ever. My roommates and I cooked so many hot dogs and burgers on that thing. It was unbelievable. When we broke up, she demanded I give it back, so I obliged. 

The next day, she had thrown the George Foreman through the windshield of my car, successfully destroying my car and the George Foreman. No more hot dogs or driving. Reddit user: [redacted]

 Well That Didn’t Work 

It’s not always the case that you have a story of a crazy ex to tell; sometimes you are, regrettably, that crazy ex. Man, this makes me sound like a jerk but…in high school, this girl broke up with me at her house. I went outside in my car, in front of her house, and pretended to cry on my steering wheel.

I was hoping she would come out to console me and maybe take me back. She didn’t. I sat out there for about an hour. I finally drove home and actually did cry. Reddit user: [redacted]

Now They’re Married

Sometimes we break up, and there is a part of us that feels like it’s a mistake. It probably isn’t, but we feel that it is. This is one of those outlandish cases. When a girlfriend of mine and I just started dating, after a week, she dumped me. Three minutes after she dumped me, I asked if she wanted to make out still. 

She was puzzled at this, but needless to say, fast forward 8 years; we’re married with two kids. So yeah…that’s about as ridiculous as I get. Reddit user: [redacted]

 I Hope You’re Happy

I was dating this girl really briefly, and I went to her house for the first time since we had gotten together. When I got to her house, I got bit and scratched by her cat, so naturally, I disliked the cat. Fast forward 4 months later; I hadn’t talked to her in that time span. 

I got a random call of her sobbing saying, “I hope you’re happy. My dad ran over my cat; she’s dead. I know you didn’t like her!” I told her that sucked and hung up. Reddit user: [redacted]

 That Escalated Quickly

Well, I walked in the door and told him it was over. He seemed cool about it. He then offered to give me a ride home. He drove past my street and told me we needed to go for a ride and talk more. So he was driving me around crying and telling me he thought I was making a big mistake. 

I was yelling at him that he was kidnapping me when he pulled into a church parking lot and threw up out the door. I got out of the car and walked home. Reddit user: [redacted]

 Sorry Mom

This story makes me cringe the most. I told an ex-girlfriend that it wasn’t working between us because she had become way too emotionally attached way too quickly. Two days later, she posted about 10 pictures of me naked on my mom’s Facebook wall. My mom, at this point, still thought I was very innocent and hadn’t even kissed a girl. 

It led to some really awkward “use a condom” conversations. The pictures included me holding a whip. Reddit user: [redacted]

 He Sat There Sobbing

I finally got the guts to break up with my first long-term boyfriend. He had cheated on me multiple times, lied like crazy, and took advantage of me over and over. I got tired of giving him “second chances.” When I finally told him it was over, he showed up at my house and started to beg on his knees in my driveway.

He was SOBBING like a small child. Snot running down his nose, the works. I literally stood there laughing at him. It was amazing. Reddit user: [redacted]

 Just a Little Too Late 

I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend after dating for 3 years. He never showed interest in getting to know my family or friends, which was a huge factor in the decision to break up. You can like me all you want, but you need to at least have a passing interest in how I live my life.

Afterwards, still living in the same town as my parents, he would just show up for dinner, as if he suddenly gave a crap about them. They were freaked out; it was far too late anyway. Reddit user: [redacted]

 They Were COUSINS 

About five years ago, I was in a relationship with some hot chick I met at a party. I hooked up with her that night, and it seemed that we had something special. We had been going out for about four months when I took her to my house for Christmas to meet my family and friends who were having a party.

Turns out, they knew her. She was a distant cousin. I broke up with her, and that wasn’t even the worst part. She still wanted to date. No. We’re family. Reddit user: [redacted]

Parents As Mediators 

I was 21 and was dating an 18-year-old. When I pulled the plug, she made me come over for a sit-down with her parents to help work out our “problems.” After 5 minutes, her dad (way cool dude who knew his daughter was crazy) was like, “Well, sounds pretty clear to me that you need to let it go.” 

So I leave to get in my car, and next thing I know, the crazy chick jumps on my hood! Her father had to pull her off my car hood. I could not drive away quick enough. Reddit user: [redacted]

Purse Shopping

There are many forms of psycho, but this girl seemed to have a specific kind. I went on a blind date with a girl, and everything went well. She was really pretty and held great conversation. She asked me the next day to go purse shopping with her. I said no, as I did actually have other plans. 

She freaked out and began telling me she loved me, how I broke her heart, and that she was breaking up with me. Thank goodness she left it at that. Reddit user: [redacted]

 They Had to Talk Him Off a Roof

This particular breakup was in high school, when I broke up with my boyfriend of MAYBE 2 months over the phone. I had my mom drive me to his house because he sounded so upset, and I wanted to check on him. We arrived to find him on the roof of his one-story house threatening to jump off and end it all. 

My mom, his parents, and I stood outside the house for at least an hour until he finally climbed down. Reddit user: [redacted]

Her Vacation 

My girlfriend of 2 years in high school just got back from vacation and broke up with me. She informed me it was my job to inform my parents, and she would appreciate it if I did it after she left. She then walked out of my room, sat down next to my parents, and started joking with them, talking about her awesome vacation. 

I just stood there in shock and full of tears. I walked out and informed them; she yelled at me and ran out. What the heck? Who does that? Reddit user: [redacted]

Dreams Really Do Come True

This girl must have believed she had some sort of sixth sense that presented itself in her dreams. My ex dumped me because she had dreams of me cheating on her, but in reality, I wasn’t cheating at all. She would spend the day being a total jerk for something I never did. She would give me the cold shoulder, and she wouldn’t let me hug or kiss her. 

Eventually, she dumped me and claimed the dreams were recurring, so it had to mean I was cheating on her. I’m happy that’s over. She was getting pretty crazy. Reddit user: [redacted]