Single People Share The Craziest Thing A Date Has Done To Impress Them

Love is in the air. Or is that Lysol? Most people have gone out of their way once in a while to impress someone…maybe by spraying enough air freshener to cover a super weird smell in an apartment or writing a cringy piece of poetry. Maybe it was your high school crush or the new guy at work. If you’re not the greatest at flirting or have been out of the dating game for a while, you might have made a fool of yourself….

People do some pretty silly things when it comes to love. If you don’t take a chance, you’ll never know if it was meant to be. However, sometimes Cupid misses the mark, and people instantly regret trying to impress someone (or have someone work hard to impress them). The people of the internet had their fair share of stories about the instant regret they felt once they found out their supposed beau was…not who they thought. Check out these crazy, cringy, and creepy things people have done during dates.

I Bungee Jumped 

This story happened during the summer after my freshman year of college. I was just nineteen at the time, I think, but I know that I was just head over heels for this beautiful, curly blonde haired girl. She had a boyfriend though, unfortunately. Not only that, but I knew he also built motorcycles or something cool like that, so it would be hard to impress her….

So, I had to think of something big in order to win her over. I ended up recruiting this physics major from UCLA to help me bungee jump from a 180-foot bridge just to prove myself to her. It was definitely illegal and ridiculously dangerous, but things worked out, and I managed to impress her for exactly one week by doing that. Reddit User: [redacted]

No Jell-O Shots for You  

This one time, I was at a party with some friends, and then I met this girl. We were actually really hitting it off, so I was excited to see what would come of it. It turned out that she really liked Jell-O shots, and I concocted this plan to steal a bunch and go for a walk with her and be like, “Oh, it looks like we still have Jell-O shots….”

The way I saw it going was that it would be all adorable, and she’d laugh when I pulled out the Jell-O shots, and we’d have a little movie moment. What really happened was I was drunk, and that idea was stupid. And I couldn’t find her, and then I blacked out and woke up in my bed wearing all my clothes, including my coat with melted Jell-O everywhere. Reddit User: [redacted]

Going to College With Her 

I think I may have been out of my mind, but I suppose that’s what the feeling of love can do to you. There was this girl I was seeing, and it was time for us to head off to college. I couldn’t imagine losing her, so I decided I would go to the same college as her. She was super artsy, so she was going to an arts college…. 

So, I went to an arts college because that’s where she was going, even though it wasn’t my passion. Like, they had other programs, but you really went for the arts. Anyway, we talked, like, once while I was there, and I transferred after a semester. It seems like it wasn’t meant to be after all of that, and now I’m studying something I actually enjoy. Reddit User: [redacted] 

I Went for So Many Haircuts 

I went to a salon to get my hair cut once, and the woman who was cutting my hair was incredible. Not just in her haircutting skills but everything about her. I had a huge crush on her, and this led to me using a lot of my money to try and get her attention. I did this by going on super regular occasions to get my hair cut….

I got my hair cut three times in the short space of just six weeks. We just had really hit it off when I was there with her, and we talked about music. So, I kept going back to the salon to get the haircut ‘cleaned up.’ I was hoping she would end up being my hairdresser each time, but she wasn’t. I fell in love with her pretty hard. Reddit User: [redacted] 

Quitting My Job for Her 

I did something crazy for my high school crush. I really wanted to go to this one concert with her because I knew she loved the band, so I’d organized for us to go. The only problem was that I had a job and couldn’t change my shift. It was my high school grocery store job, and it wasn’t anything really special, but there wasn’t anything I could do….

I had to quit my job to go to a concert. I basically knew that if I didn’t show up for work, I’d get fired. So I didn’t go. But I made sure she knew I basically sacrificed my minimum-wage job to do this. I was hoping she’d be really into it. I had a crush on her for months. That’s a big deal in high school time. Anyway, I got grounded and had no job for a month, but we dated for a while, so I’d say it’s worth it overall. Reddit User: [redacted] 

Trying to Show Off My Skiing 

I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only idiot to have done this to try and impress someone. When I was in middle school, we went on a class ski trip. I really wanted to impress this girl in my class who was also there. An important thing to note is that this was my second time skiing ever, and I was by no means talented on the slopes….

But on this occasion, to try and impress her, I tried to go down a black diamond. I’m pretty sure I fell down the slope more than anything else. I don’t even think this girl cared about skiing. It was the most frightening experience of my life up until that point. A few weeks later, I asked her to come with me to our eighth-grade dance, and she said ‘no’ and basically ran away. Reddit User: [redacted] 

I Tried to Be a Gymnast 

It’s years down the line, but this thing that I did for a girl once is still really funny to me. I was dating a gymnast in high school. We go to a park together, and I see parallel bars that are designed for stretching, but I’m convinced I can do a handstand on them because I’m awesome. Well, I thought I was awesome at the time….

She kept insisting they were too far apart, but I didn’t listen. I attempted the handstand; they were indeed too far apart, so I collapsed down, jamming my chest past my hands and strained/tore all the ligaments holding my chest muscles to my breastbone. Good times were not had later or for a long while after. I should have listened to her. Reddit User: Mostlyamoron

In My Senior Year 

During my senior year of high school, I told one of my best friends who was also this sweet, beautiful, very in shape, football-playing boy to throw the football as high as he possibly could, and I would catch it. You know, to impress him and make him realize I was the girl of his dreams. He threw it really high. I didn’t catch it. I fractured my pointer finger when it bounced off my hands…. 

I had to wear a finger cast to school for a few weeks and go to physical therapy for my finger. He felt terrible. I felt like an idiot. He did buy me “I’m sorry” flowers though. So, that was nice. People at school thought my finger brace was hilarious. Since I was constantly walking around, giving a “number 1” hand gesture due to the brace, everyone at school started giving me the “number 1!” gesture when I walked by them. Reddit User: BRKS4

A Dance-Off

I was abroad in the Dominican Republic, and they had a dance competition on a stage; anyone could enter, and it had around 200 people watching this competition go down. I was about 9-10 at the time of this competition, and I had spotted a cute girl who must’ve been around 14-15. So obviously I decided the best way to get her attention was to get up on stage…. 

I thought it would be a great way to impress her, and I decided that I was going to dance my heart out. Cue three minutes of awkward shuffling, while maintaining constant eye contact with that girl, and horrified/queasy looks from my parents. The coordinator cut me off early by pretending the speaker stopped working. I got a pity clap. Reddit User: SlothWithATopHat

Beach Party Gone Wrong 

I was in New Zealand, and I was going to a beach party with some girls from the hostel I was staying at. To get to the party, you needed to take a $2 ferry across this inlet, which was about 1 km wide. I decided to swim it, to impress the ladies. About halfway through, I realize that I’m slowly being swept out to sea, and I’m losing strength. I’m not sure how…. 

But eventually, I made it to the other shore, about 100 meters away from the pier. The ferry had docked about 2-3 minutes before me, and I just nonchalantly walked over to meet the girls, as if I hadn’t swum against a current to near exhaustion and was swept out to sea. Good side: it worked, and I ended up hooking up with one of the ladies. Reddit User: beerbellybegone

The Note That Never Was 

I had a pretty serious crush on a boy from third to sixth grade. He was pretty “popular,” and I was desperate for his attention, so I concocted the perfect plan to get him to be my boyfriend. I wrote a note about myself on a piece of notebook paper. The note was written in sloppy handwriting and said very hurtful things about me, including calling me ugly and stupid, and I signed it with his name…. 

Then I crumpled it up to make it look like I had found it discarded on the ground. My plan was to confront him about this very mean, hurtful note he had written about me. He would read the note, be shocked at the contents, and insist that he didn’t write it and then ask me to be his girlfriend. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I approached him, said, “I found this note you wrote about me!” and he said, “Uh, what? I didn’t write that” and walked away. Reddit User: spikyflats

Eating a Red Hot Pepper 

I ate a very hot red pepper from a Thai restaurant. The girl I was trying to impress was eating them like it was nothing and told me I couldn’t handle it. Of course, I wanted to impress her by showing that even white people can withstand these things. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Spoiler: it wasn’t…. 

Now I’m laughing about it, but at the moment I honestly thought I was going to die. It took the whole day to get out of my system, and I’m pretty sure I could feel it making its way through my body, burning everything it touched in its wake. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done to try and impress someone. Now I impress girls by eating mild green peppers. Reddit User: A-Eteat

I Decided to Be a Vegetarian 

So back in the day, there was this girl who was in 7th grade that I really liked. I found out that she was a vegetarian. I had to ask my mom what this meant, by the way. So for some reason, I decided that I’d impress her by becoming vegetarian too. So a few days in, I try to bring it up to her, and she makes a joke along the lines of, “Are you just doing it to impress me?”

And I was so embarrassed. But I brushed it off like it was nothing. But 7th grade me thought, “I’m in too deep, I can’t stop now.” So I continued being a vegetarian for a year until she switched schools. I will never again do that for a girl, especially because she made such a joke of it. Girl, I gave up bacon for you, and you didn’t even care. Reddit User: HTKAMB

Taking the Scenic Route 

I was madly in love with this girl from my year but of a different batch. She was a really good friend; however, the only interaction I had with her was during the 30-minute rides to school and back as our folks had hired the same cab service for our daily school commute. One day to my surprise, I found her in my classroom during recess, and she was with a bunch of other girls…. 

After two seconds of ‘deep’ thinking, I jumped up on my desk, got on all fours, and started moving onto other desks shouting at the top of my voice, “I am Spiderman!” I did a pretty good job actually, crawling over adjacent desks like the webcrawler himself. Everybody in the class started laughing and was looking at me, except for that girl. Reddit User: TanvirAslam

Back in the ’70s 

In the ’70s, I was an exchange student in Australia. I may have stretched the truth a bit regarding my experience with hallucinogens (it was the ’70s, after all), and one day while a group of us were hanging out, a friend pulled out a piece of hash about the size of the tip of my thumb. I had smoked marijuana a few times and had taken some other substances….

But despite my braggadocio, my drug experience was actually not very broad. My friend handed it to me. I know now that he probably just gave it to me to examine, but in my inexperience, I popped the whole thing in my mouth and swallowed. I knew immediately from the looks on everyone’s faces that I had done something wrong. I quickly attempted to save face by saying something like, “What? That’s how we do it in America.” Reddit User: [redacted]

Yelling in Japanese 

There’s one totally crazy thing I did once. It was weird, but I’ve got no regrets. I’m a young, small, and rather skinny girl, so I often have to deal with flirtatious guys in the streets of my city. One day, a weird, old man seriously got on my nerves in the tramway. I live in France, so he spoke to me in French and insulted me when I didn’t answer his questions….

He wanted me to come to his apartment, and he wouldn’t go away. He threatened me and told me I had to go with him. I used to be an exchange student in Japan, and I’d been studying Japanese for six years, so I yelled at him in Japanese. With a mad voice, as fast as possible, and with what I hoped to be scary eyes. I was totally scared, but I was imploding, so I didn’t think before acting. Reddit User: Celine Jern

Leaving the City Forever 

There was this girl who I was in love with. I knew that she was also into me. It happened that I was supposed to be leaving Delhi forever, so she insisted that we meet. So we met at the Hard Rock Cafe at Select City Walk and had a few drinks. We took a lot of pictures and a few selfies as well. Later, while dropping her off at her place, I expressed my love for her….

While I was coming back home, she texted me saying that if I truly loved her, I needed to change my pic on Whatsapp to the one we took together. Neither my family nor my friends knew about her. After coming home, I realized that only people in my contacts see my pic. So I deleted all the contacts on my phone except hers. Reddit User: [redacted]

Impressing the Teacher 

When I was ten years old, I went to a Montessori school, and every day we studied a math topic of our choice. One day we had visitors, and I wanted to impress them, so I took a copy of every worksheet in the room. The 9- to 12-year-olds were all in one class, so basically, I tried to finish three years of math assignments in one day….

I know this isn’t about a crush, but I seem to have this thing in my life about trying to impress everyone I come across, and it clearly started from a young age. The teacher told me I wasn’t impressing him or his visitors. I started to put them back, but he told me I had to solve all the worksheets I had taken. I eventually finished them. Reddit User: JessicaSu

I Looked Like a Burglar 

I was 19 and fell in love with this girl. We were good friends, and we used to keep texting all the time. Once, she happened to leave town for one week, and we weren’t able to contact each other frequently; Whatsapp wasn’t invented then. On the day of her return flight, I waited right in front of her flat, just a few yards away, and the time was around 1 AM….

I was hoping that she might notice me waiting for her. I was questioned by everyone possible because I looked like a burglar at midnight and almost got expelled from my hostel because of not informing the warden and leaving the hostel at midnight. She noticed me waiting for her, and that was a monumental impression I left on her. We were all crazy in love. Reddit User: DineshPandiyan

Pretending to Be Rich 

I pretended to be a billionaire, or ambiguously very rich, because he was a billionaire. It was such an expensive lie to keep up. He was really impressed. Every time I would meet him, I would splurge on high-end designer dresses, and when he/his friends would invite me on random international trips, I would go at the drop of a dime….

When we both moved to Manhattan around the same time, he asked if I wanted to room with him. I knew I couldn’t afford any place that he had in mind, so I made up an excuse that I’d be living alone. The stress was probably more unbearable than the financial effort involved in keeping this lie alive. And I’ll never know if he would have liked me if I just told the truth from the beginning. We don’t talk anymore, obviously. Reddit User: [redacted]

Bad Boys Don’t Always Win 

I liked this girl I saw in a department store. Knowing that girls like bad guys, I bought a five thousand dollar gangster outfit that included a three thousand dollar black leather trench coat that made me resemble the kingpin in a Chinese mafia movie that I saw. While sporting my new look, I walked in and bought an eight hundred dollar dress from her…. 

Then I gave her the dress and asked her out, while cursing on the phone at an imaginary henchman in a dialect she didn’t understand. But she never showed up at the cafe on the first floor after work. And I never saw her again after that night, and I heard she was so frightened of this guy who had come in looking like that. She also apparently returned the dress. Reddit User: VinceParker

When I Did Nothing 

Nothing…I did absolutely nothing. A bunch of us were having a picnic, and a large snake suddenly appeared in our midst. Everyone started screaming and jumping around, but I just sat there, calmly sipping my beer. The snake slithered over my left leg and disappeared into the bushes nearby. I didn’t tell them that the snake was a mole snake…. 

And I didn’t tell them that it wouldn’t bite unless provoked and also that it wasn’t venomous. The story went around that I had nerves of steel and was not at all perturbed by “huge” snakes crawling over me. This resulted in me being invited to many outdoor ventures by people who had ignored me before. Reddit User: Keith Taylor

A Breakfast Fail 

I tried to make breakfast for my girlfriend to impress her. I woke up at 4 AM and started to make the salad, popcorn, pancakes, and hamburgers. First, I put the popcorn in the microwave for 2 minutes. I put the hamburgers in the oven, and the pancakes too. Then I started to make the salad and cut my finger because I was cutting fast…. 

The knife dropped and cut my foot. I ended up in so much pain. I then brought my leg up closer to try and look at the cut, and then I knocked off the cups that were on the table. All the cups were broken. There was no way she was still sleeping through all of this. Then, the microwave exploded. She was impressed with my efforts and helped me clean up. Reddit User: SheldonWinston

Joining a Karate Class 

I joined a karate martial arts academy when I was 8. I had a crush on my nextdoor neighbor, and she told me that she knew how to kick a certain way, and I remember asking how, and she said, “I’m in karate.” I was so excited. I asked her to show me what she can do, and she would kind of shy away from the subject, and we’d move on to playing Harry Potter….

I was in karate for about one month before I couldn’t get a ride there anymore. I eventually forgot that I joined the academy and was only reminded because my nextdoor neighbor told me something about it. We still chatted with each other after that, but I got over my crush, and I tried out karate, so it wasn’t a completely lost cause after my attempts at the sport. Reddit User: BenTunell

Falling in Love 

Back in high school, I fell in love with a girl. I convinced myself that I would never fall in love, but it happened with the person that I hated the most. She was a typical popular girl. She was one year older than me, and we never shared classes. I’m also not very social or a conversational type of person. I figured I needed a conversation started….

So I went big. I created my school’s own version of Facemash, which ranks female students by hotness. Everything went well, and I didn’t reveal myself. I then got called into the principal’s office to ask if it’s my website. I got in a lot of trouble and then never even ended up talking to the girl and forgot about her until now. Reddit User [redacted]

A Plan Worked Out  

I wanted to get with this girl when I was 16. We talked a little, and it seemed like she was a little bit interested in me. So I threw a small party at my place and invited only her and a good friend of mine. All three of us got along great and were friends with each other, so it wasn’t at all weird or anything…. 

Anyways, my friend’s mom was pretty protective, and I knew he would have to leave early, leaving us two alone and pretty drunk. Needless to say, my plan worked perfectly. Other than that, I haven’t done anything too crazy for girls. It worked once when I was sixteen, but I haven’t tried it out again. Reddit User: [redacted]

Going to the Driving Range 

I took my friend to the driving range, and she asked if her insanely hot friend could come as well. Her friend then mentioned that she had never hit a golf ball before, so I was thinking, jackpot, now I’ve got a reason to talk to this girl and an excuse to ask her out if everything goes well. Then we got to the range…. 

I hit a couple of warm-up shots while she was getting set up, and I decided to really crush one to impress her. Well, I gave the swing everything I had, except I missed the ball, clipped the ground, and broke the club right off the pole. It then bounced back and smacked me in the face, giving me a solid shiner, all while she was watching. Reddit User: honcho114

Hoarding Stuffed Animals 

I hoarded a bunch of stuffed animals I’d won at a local arcade for this girl I really liked. One night, I decided to surprise her with them, figuring she’d then fall in love with me. So I threw them in a garbage bag, walked two miles down the road to her house, and knocked on her door. She answered while I concealed the bag behind my back…. 

She asked what I was doing at her house. I revealed the surprise, and she slowly took it from me, looked inside, and awkwardly thanked me while closing the door. I immediately realized I had miscalculated the gesture and probably looked like a huge creepy guy. I power-walked back home, and to this day, I still think about it from time to time. Reddit User: _Than0s

When You Miscalculate a Jump 

I was about 12 and riding my bike home from high school when I saw a group of pretty older girls ahead of me. This stretch of road required me to ride on the pavement, so I thought I’d be cool and overtake them by dropping down into the road and then jumping back up the curb once I’d passed them. Well, I almost died that day…. 

My determination to impress them overtook the part of my brain that deals with logic, and I severely miscalculated the jump. I skidded against the curb, and it bucked me out into the middle of the road into oncoming traffic. As I scrambled to get back onto the pavement, my bike flew clean off the ground, and I was propelled into a bush. They did come over to help and called me cute when I started crying, so I took it as a win, but I haven’t been on a bike since. Reddit User: snowdropwrites

I Never Smoked Again 

When I was a teen, I was in a taekwondo class with two girls around my age. They liked to go and have a smoke behind the mall before class, and I wanted to be cool and impress them, so I took up smoking too. One day, one of the girls came to class early, so I went and had a smoke with her. Then, the next girl came in and wanted to have a smoke…. 

So I went and had another one with her. Upon coming back, we started doing our warm-up laps, and I felt very queasy. I had to throw up, so I ran outside, right next to a Dairy Queen, and threw up all over the glass wall where the cashiers and several people eating looked on in horror. I’ve never smoked again after that day. Reddit User: Kelluthus

A Messy Valentine’s Day 

It was Valentine’s Day the one year, and I had this girl I had recently started dating. We’d been together for about two months at the time. I really wanted to do some sort of big gesture to celebrate the day; we were in high school at the time. So, I knew she had a sweet tooth and thought I should do something with chocolate…. 

I bought one of those gigantic bears and cut open the back and took out some of the stuffing to make some space. I then bought a bunch of little chocolates and filled it up with that. It was during summer, and I should have thought about this a bit more. All the chocolate had melted by the time she opened it up, and it was just a huge mess. Reddit User: [redacted] 

Speaking Spanish to Myself 

In the ninth grade, I was fixated on this boy, who seemed to really like the fact that I spoke Spanish. It was my second language, but I could speak it pretty fluently, and I loved that I impressed him. So what did I do to impress him? Anytime he was around, I’d whip out my cell phone and fake a phone conversation in Spanish….

I would have these really long, detailed conversations with myself basically. It was really exhausting, but it totally worked. He asked me out soon after this so I could finally stop having these draining conversations with myself. We also ended up dating for four months, which in school is considered to be a very long time. Reddit User: [redacted] 

The Party Didn’t Go According to Plan 

It was the summer after my freshman year of college, and I had this crush who I really wanted to impress. I decided to throw a pregame party at my parents’ house just so that I had a reason to invite her over to my place and spend time together. But my parents were only out at the movies, so they were going to get home pretty soon…. 

When they got home, about two hours after they’d left, my dog was in the lobby of our apartment building, the front door was wide open, and there were empty bottles of alcohol all over the place. I was grounded by my parents for the rest of the summer. It was totally not awesome, and my crush didn’t even come to the party after all. Reddit User: [redacted] 

Stealing Money from My Brother 

I was young and stupid but have come to my senses since this occasion. When I was 14, I stole $250 from my 10-year-old brother. This was the entire life savings that he had really tried his best to save. Why had I stolen it? I wanted to buy the girl that I was “in love” with back then an expensive bracelet for her birthday that year….

We weren’t even dating at the time. When my mom found out about me stealing the money from my brother, she made me ask the girl for the gift back so that I could return it and then reimburse my brother. I had no choice but to do it. She gave it back to me, and I can honestly say that it was the most humiliating experience of my life. Reddit User: [redacted] 

I Was Just an Emo Kid 

This wasn’t really to impress them. I was just an emo little kid. But I was about 14 and had a huge crush on this boy I’d known most of my life from school. I wrote a poem about it. I don’t remember it all now, but it started, “Why do you take my breath away? It’s not like I don’t see you every day.” And it went on to talk about how I took routes to class especially to see him….

The worst thing happened after I wrote this poem, and I’m still cross when I think about it these days. My best friend took the poem from me and then ended up sending it to the guy I had a crush on. He told people he found candy wrappers in his bushes from me stalking him. I was mortified, and we never spoke to each other again after this. Reddit User: k4d6b463c3

I Never Went to Italian Again 

When I was a freshman in college, I had a huge crush on this guy in my Italian class. He was selling his motorcycle, and I asked if I could come over to his house after class and test ride it, as I had always wanted to buy a motorcycle. I had ridden dirt bikes growing up but never rode a sport bike. I understood the fundamentals of riding…. 

What was apparent after this test drive on his motorcycle was that I had severely underestimated the power. I got on his motorcycle, slipped the clutch, and crashed his bike into a pile of garbage and a mailbox. Needless to say, I didn’t get a motorcycle or a date with him that day. I really hated going to my Italian class after that. Reddit User: rikkib4468ab0f0

That Time I Played Truth or Dare 

I wanted to seem really cool in front of my crush at my first co-ed party in middle school, so I made the mistake of playing Truth or Dare and boldly demanding a dare when it was my turn. What was the challenge? To streak across the front lawn in my underwear. Obviously, I couldn’t back down in front of my crush. So off I went running….

While I was running half-naked, a few people, including my crush, decided to hide all my clothes. I ended up heartbroken, shivering, and crying in the arms of my friend’s mom. Not the coolest look. But, if he was going to do that kind of thing to me, he wasn’t worth my time anyway. If he’d brought my clothes back to me, that would have been a different story. Reddit User: [redacted]

No More Basketball for Me 

One time I organized a game of pick-up basketball because I knew my crush played in his spare time, and I figured I’d invite him to join. To other people, that might not sound like a crazy move. But if you’ve ever seen me attempt to dribble or shoot, you’d understand what a grave mistake I’d made, all in the name of spending an hour with my dream guy…. 

What I didn’t account for is that I’d be in a state of constant panic for the entire hour. I looked like a middle school version of Michael Cera stumbling around the court, and every time someone passed me the ball, I had a full-blown anxiety attack. Needless to say, my crush was not impressed. That was the end of the crush, and I moved on from that. Reddit User: [redacted] 

While some of these stories probably left you shocked, wait until you hear what kind of strange dates people have been on. From being greeted with a middle finger to only talking about a machete collection, these people share the most outrageous things they’ve ever experienced while on a date…

We have all had a bad date or two, and some of us maybe more. Awkward dates can actually be a good thing. They can help you become more comfortable going on dates and learn how to navigate them: practice makes progress. It can also help you realize what you don’t want in a partner and discover your big turn-offs.

After a horrible blind date, you won’t make the same mistakes again. Aside from learning from our own unpleasant experiences, we can learn from the not-so-great encounters of others as well. When we hear of strange mishaps and dating horror stories, we often think, “That will never happen to me!”

But the truth is, you just never know. Reddit explored that exact topic, covering oodles of the craziest date stories ever told.

Reading the Wrong Signs

I always saw this girl on the bus back from work and mustered the courage to talk to her. I got her number and MSN and asked her out that very weekend. She arrived at the restaurant, all dolled up, and things were going well. We started eating and chatting….

Then she drops the bombshell: “Oh, my boyfriend is working overseas.“ I couldn’t gracefully excuse myself, so I tagged along when she went window shopping. After a few hours of torture, I said goodbye, stopped contacting her, and never took the same bus from work again. Reddit User: theresjustme

Hi, I’m Hungry

I used Tinder and ended up on a date with this girl. Her pictures were massively touched up, and she told me she had eczema. When we met, I discovered two things. We had zero chemistry…I mean zero! Then she peeled eczema off her face. But over lunch, I noticed the third thing, which completely turned me off.

We were talking when I saw her peel off her eczema AND EAT THE DEAD SKIN. She saw that I saw and tried to play it off. I stuck with that date for another six hours, occasionally catching her doing that eczema eating thing out of the corner of my eye when she thought I wasn’t looking. Reddit User: mavyapsy

Didn’t Get Murdered or Whatever

I went out with a girl but didn’t really hit things off with her, the chemistry was off. After dinner, I decided to go, but she wanted to hang out. So I thought, let’s go to a bar. I mean, it’s a nice place to try and salvage the date. Plus, maybe some drinks would loosen things up?

I told her to order something for me while I went to the toilet. I came back to two towers on the table. She goes, “By the way, I don’t drink, but they’ve got a promotion now so you get the second tower 50% off.” Reddit User: Intentionallyabadger

Bad Dating Apps

I matched with a girl on a dating app, and we went out for coffee. She was a big k-pop fan (not an issue with me) but spent most of the time talking about her adventures on Twitter and the k-pop fandom on Twitter. Again, not really a big deal, a lot of those stories were quite amusing.

The problem was when we were texting. She spent so much time on Twitter, it’s like she forgot how to talk. Everything I said was met with a reaction gif. It was highly irritating. Reddit User: Zakmonster

Finding Love Overseas

I used OkCupid while living in Singapore and went out with a few locals. One I liked, we went out a few times, and I was planning on seeing him again. The day I was supposed to see him for our third date, I got really sick in the morning and couldn’t make it.

After telling him, he went crazy on me, claiming I was lying. When I assured him that was not the case, he spent the rest of the day trying to convince me to come to his place so he could “take care of me.” Creepy. Reddit User: Cycletothesun

Just Here for the Wine, Not the Scripture

I went out with a dude who was of a certain religion. I made it very clear that there would be no conversion of religions or anything if we wanted to proceed with our newly budding relationship, and he agreed. A few dates later, the topic was brought up again….

He basically insinuated that by the time it gets to the “marrying period,” he would’ve managed to “convince me” to convert. I got the heck out of there. Reddit User: CheeryIcicle

Age Is Just a Number, Right?

I met a guy on Tinder, and his bio said he was two years older than me. Turns out he was five years younger. Okay, no big deal. Was super quiet and awkward throughout the meal. I offered to split the bill, but he said that was rude since he’s the man and he should pay.

Okay, fine, sure, let him have his ego. Then he went to the cashier, came back, and asked me for a $20 because he only brought $50. It was his idea to go to the expensive sushi restaurant, by the way. I went home, and he texted me almost immediately….

The text said, “I wanted to show you my shy side first. I didn’t want to unleash my wild side. Ready for the next date?” Nope. Reddit User: eilletane

Karaoke, Anyone?

I went out with this girl after matching on Tinder. She wanted me to fetch her from her workplace even though we were just going to hang near where we lived (we live kind of close to each other). She suggested we go to karaoke, but then she didn’t want to sing….

She spent most of the time talking about her ex she just broke up with and didn’t offer to pay for (her share of) karaoke or dinner. A few weeks later, she texted asking if she could borrow money. I’ve never blocked anyone so fast. Reddit User: j_fat_snorlax

First Date from Hell

I was single going on seven months when I met a guy who reached out to me through my social media. We spoke to each other almost every day for two weeks before agreeing to meet up. It’s safe to say that I was pretty excited because hey, it’s been a while….

On the first date, the guy had my selfie as his lock and home screen. I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to do. It’s safe to say it never worked out. Reddit User: littlesuperherogirl

Incest Much

I once went out with a guy that I had met on Tinder. We agreed to meet up, and the consensus was to go to this new restaurant. When we got our food, he held his fork like a 2-year-old who had just learned to use it to shovel food. And that’s exactly what he did.

I kept telling myself not to be shallow, but my eye was starting to twitch. Then he said his mum was trying to get him to marry his cousin. Direct cousin. Ok thanks, bye! Reddit User: droseng

Tinder Matches Be Crazy

I had one a few years back. Tinder was pretty popular, and I started using it. Matched this one girl, and we started chatting. After a week or so, we decided to meet up. I took her to the movies and dinner. She seemed really normal to be honest, but after sending her home, she texted me saying I’m her boyfriend now.

I replied that we never really said anything about a relationship, and we just went out on one date, and she started getting mad and blasting me with texts saying how I toyed with her feelings. Reddit User: frostyfit

Boy, Bye

I once dated a guy from Tinder; he couldn’t stop talking about himself and his basketball games. We went to play a video game, and while it was loading, he started to swipe on his phone. When I asked if something was up, he showed me some girl’s profile and said she was a catfish….

I wasn’t sure if he didn’t enjoy the date or was plain stupid. Afterward, he tried to get me to go for drinks, but I was annoyed. He tried texting me, but I moved on. Reddit User: doublechocolatecooky

Don’t Do Drugs, Mmmkay

I met a guy once; he was really chill, and we got along through text. I met this guy for the first time at a bar, and when he came in, I was already pretty buzzed. After we ordered a jug each, I began to ask him how his day was. He stared me down for a good half-minute and just said, “We don’t have to talk, you know.”

O-kaaay. We drank our drinks in absolute silence. After I asked for the bill (which he didn’t even offer to split, so I ended up paying for), he said, “So my place?” Um. Reddit User: existentialost

Love You Like a Brother

So I was talking to a guy from Tinder, and we hit it off. Neither of us wanted a relationship, so we were just friends talking about life, which was already so rare. I was bored, so I asked him out to watch a movie, and that was probably the worst thing I have ever done….

He was late, greeted me with a middle finger, and spent the entire two hours looking at his phone. He spoke like two words to me, and both of them were swear words. Then he texted that the date went well and we should chill again. Reddit User: arumlillies

Not Even a Salad

I met someone on Tinder a while back. We spoke for a little while and agreed to meet up for dinner. The girl showed up, looked beautiful, and then refused to order anything to eat. She asked me lots of questions and typed the answers on her phone as if to read them later on.

She also looked at the phone almost all the time. It was very awkward, with only me eating and answering questions like I was at an interview. Reddit User: Yeunkwong

Swiper No Swiping

I had a friend who went out with this Tinder dude. I was really happy for her since the guy seemed genuine and all. By the time they were on the date hours later, he had told her, “It’s easy to get matches on Tinder.” My friend was flabbergasted. Then the guy showed her his Tinder app and swiped right so fast on all the girls on his “decks.”

He didn’t even bother to look at their faces or bio at all. She felt humiliated. I don’t understand what the guy was doing. Reddit User: sallyg149

Thinking Too Far Ahead

It was a Tinder match, and we went out to a movie. Less than an hour in, he said, “If this all works out, your children will be mixed.” I gave him an awkward laugh. He didn’t laugh. And then proceeded to tell me about how he dated a single mother who went back to her ex. During the date, he posted a picture of himself wearing my glasses on Instagram. With a heart shape caption. In front of me.

After that, he wouldn’t take the hint. When I told him straight up that I wasn’t interested, he treated it like a breakup: long text messages and asking explanations. The guy was 27 years old. Reddit User: exotic_hadron

So Sweet (And Sour)

I met with a guy from a dating app and went for dinner at a chain restaurant. He was a gentleman and said he would foot the bill. But the dinner didn’t go well; we didn’t have anything in common. When the bill came, I could see that he hesitated to take out his wallet, so I gave the waiter my card.

The guy got upset, whipped out his wallet, and demanded I take back my card. On my way home, he regretted being a gentleman and texted to ask if I could transfer him my share of the bill. Reddit User: abcdppled

The Terrible 30s

I was around 30 when I met a woman online. She was older than me and was really nice; we got along well during our first meeting. The second time we met, she invited me back to her house, and I said okay. We ended up on her bed, and that’s where things went horribly wrong. I couldn’t get it up, even though she tried everything she could think of.

I’ll never forget the huge amount of shame I felt when I saw the look of disappointment on her face. We didn’t contact each other after that. Reddit User: PhantomWolf83

The Good Ol’ College Years

Back in university, I had a crush on a girl. During a school dance, I managed to ask her for a dance, and the event photographer took a photo of us. Through connections, I got the photo and developed it. I still pursued the girl, and once, I asked her out to study at a library. She said yes, and things were going well, and we were having fun talking and stuff.

Then I got the bright idea to show her the photo of us, which I had brought. And which I had kept in my wallet. Needless to say, she kindly rejected my next few invites. Reddit User: theresjustme

Her Dad Had the Password

Not exactly a first date, but an odd experience that prevented a first date from ever taking place. I matched with this girl and looked at her profile. It said, “FYI, this account is operated by my father. I do not have the password. You will have to meet with him one-on-one at least once before you get to meet me, with him present.

Do not message me if you’ve ever had relations outside of marriage, if you’ve ever looked at pornography, or if you’re divorced for any reason other than your wife abandoned you.” She was 27. Reddit User: AssistantManagerMan

Her Extensive Machete Collection

She talked about her extensive machete collection and how she’s threatened some of her exes with them just for fun. She also talked about how she got the massive scar on her arm for punching out a window. Her friend just sat awkwardly the whole night and got hammered. I felt bad for her since she didn’t like being the third wheel.

Here’s the fun part though: since I was bad about ignoring red flags at the time, I tried to organize a second date. Reddit User: rift_in_the_wrap

Dance Dance Revolution

I go out to dinner with a guy I had only met quickly once before. First, we go to dinner, which is ok, nothing special. It was a little awkward. At the end of dinner, he ask me if I like Dance Dance Revolution. He then proceeds to tell me he is really good at it and wants to show me.

So after dinner, he takes me to an arcade, where he spends the next thirty minutes playing/dancing to Dance Dance Revolution while I watch. He never asks if I want to play. Reddit User: Flowersinhercurls

 Her New Antidepressants Were Causing Issues

She literally tried to commit suicide by jumping over a railing that was 4 stories up, then when I pulled her off the railing and moved her to a spot with no places to jump from, she told me that her new antidepressants were probably causing her to have issues.

I walked her to her car a bit later, and she said that she was going to a party. Then, all of a sudden, she kissed me rather passionately, jumped in her car, and peeled out. I never saw her again. Reddit User: [redacted]

That’s What the Prisoners Are For

Online dating. We met for coffee and walked on the beach. It immediately started to not go well. We disagreed about almost everything. He even mocked my religious beliefs. After walking a ways, he asked if I wanted to sit on the beach. I obliged. He set his coffee cup down, and it blew away but not far. I said, “Oh no, your cup blew away.” He looked, shrugged, and ignored it.

“I litter all the time. Yeah, like if I have a bag of McDonald’s trash, I’ll just throw it out the window. That’s what prisoners are for.” Reddit User: AbbyVanBuren

He Didn’t Expect the Owls

I met a girl online, and we agreed to meet up at her work on the day of our date. She worked at a local state park visitor center. So I drove up and was ready for our mini-golf date, but when I got there, she proceeded to take me into the back of their shop.

She ended up letting me help her feed the barn owls and red tail hawk that they were rehabilitating in captivity at the park office. Super cool, but I was not expecting that at all. Reddit User: Extrasherman

Women Who Read

I went out for coffee with a classmate. He showed up half an hour late wearing baggy sweatpants with suspicious stains all over them. I had been amusing myself by doing the crossword while waiting on this guy, and when he arrived, he sat down and pulled my crossword over to him.

He looked at it for a moment and then said, “Women who read are fine and all, but it isn’t very attractive to show off.” We did not have a second date. Reddit User: CowtheHankDog

Her Dad Was a Primitive Baptist Minister

I dated a girl in high school whose father was a Primitive Baptist minister. Anyway, I went to pick her up, and her dad answered the door wearing a wife beater and holding a gun. He invited me inside and proceeded to give me the “where are you going, what are your intentions” speech while cleaning his gun. Hung on the wall behind him were at least 100 other guns. Not kidding, you couldn’t see the wallpaper.

We left, went to a movie, and I got a BJ on the way home, so it didn’t work out if it was supposed to intimidate me. Reddit User: Soup_Kitchen

Starbucks Puke

Went to a Starbucks with this girl and she ordered some sort of sugary drink. About halfway through, she got up and said she had to go to the bathroom. She came back after having very obviously vomited. She suffered through the rest of the date. End of the date, she leaned in, and I didn’t want to be rude.

I tried for a nice quick peck, but she went in hard core. It was kind of gross, but we did end up dating for a few months. Reddit User: Taygr

 Ice Skating 

This guy invited me ice skating. I’d never been ice skating before and wasn’t very coordinated, but of course, I didn’t want to tell him that. We were skating for about 20 minutes, and I was feeling pretty proud of myself for doing so well. Then, BAM! I totally wiped out and pulled him down with me, which caused him to elbow me in the face as he landed on top of me.

My glasses broke, and I had a concussion and a black eye. I was too embarrassed for a second date. Reddit User: glitterphobia

The Fair Mix-Up

Went to the local fall fair with a group of friends, and after a little booze in the system, I end up making out with a girl I had been flirting with for a while. Walking to one of the rides, she pulls me aside, and we continue to make out. It wasn’t the same girl.

Just an acquaintance I barely knew that happened to be there. By the time I realized, I didn’t care. I never saw the first girl again, and now I’m dating the second girl. Reddit User: Sarfly

 Rambo

When I was a senior in high school, I agreed to go on a date with a nice guy because I felt kinda bad for him. We were going to the movies, and I had told him he could pick which one to see. It turned out he picked Rambo. Afterwards, we went to Target for some reason.

When we were leaving the store, he walked right into the glass doors because he thought they were automatic. Overall, it was probably the weirdest date I’ve ever been on. Reddit User: twest1

The Mad Roommate

I met a girl on an online dating site (this was back in ’99 or so). As it turns out, her roommate was a girl I had gone out with a few weeks earlier and banged, but nothing really happened after. Anyways, I guess something happened between them, I forget the details, but we went out and she insisted we go back to her place.

Her roommate was in another part of the apartment and was irate. Clothes were shed, loud noises were made, and I never saw either of them again. Reddit User: mayorjimmy

Awkward Hand Holding

I went to a movie with this dude, and the guy was determined to hold my hand. He actually took M&Ms out of my hand and forced his fingers between mine and wouldn’t let go for the last hour of the movie. We got food afterward, and he would not stop trapping my feet with his, and when we said our goodbyes, he gave me the longest, most awkward hug.

The whole drive home, I’d wished I “went to the bathroom” at the movie. I never saw him again. Reddit User: turangaleela1bdi

The Blind Date

My sister and her boyfriend at the time had tickets to a hockey game. So she invited me, and her boyfriend invited his best friend, and it ended up being like a blind date. Half way through the game, my sister and her boyfriend get in this huge argument, and me and this guy don’t know what to do. We didn’t know anything about each other but decided to ditch my sister and her boyfriend.

We ended up going to dinner and got a few drinks afterwards. We’ve been dating for 8 months now. Reddit User: Brittnay

There Was No Cat

I was set up with a friend of a friend. My date had to get ready after baseball practice. I hung out in his living room in the meantime. The place had a weird smell. Like an unseen animal lived there. The furniture also had a lot of stains. When he was ready to go, I asked if he had any pets. He said no.

Brought to mind the Family Guy quote, “It smells like there’s a cat, but I don’t think there’s a cat.” He didn’t get a second date. Reddit User: OtherKindofMermaid

Heidi Was Confused

My first date after an ugly divorce was with a cute girl named Heidi. She wanted to stop by a benefit that was being held for her friend who just lost her husband, and then we would go to dinner and whatnot. I didn’t see a problem with this, so I agreed. We walked into the bar where the benefit was being held and literally almost ran right into the guy my ex wife cheated on me with.

Heidi was confused as to what just happened, so I had to explain to her the situation in front of the other guy. Reddit User: cbrown80

We Weren’t Boyfriend/Girlfriend

I went to the movies with a school friend. At this point, I didn’t even know it was meant to be a date. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to play some games at his place. So I said yes. As soon as I walked into his front room, I was met with about 8 of his family members. He had invited over most of his family to meet me.

They all believed I was his girlfriend, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell them that we weren’t actually boyfriend/girlfriend. Reddit User: Sammie_SU

How Is Your Cat?

I was out to dinner with this girl. She starts looking at her phone and has this weird look on her face. I ask what’s wrong, and she says her cat has gone missing. She goes outside to make a phone call and comes back 5 minutes later saying we have to go. I drive her back to her dorm, and she runs inside with no goodbye.

Later that night, I check Facebook and see her on a date with another guy. I sent her a message asking how her cat is. Reddit User: ilivlife

It Was a Puppy Video

It was our first date, and we were in high school. We went to get some froyo at Tutti Frutti. He comes and picks me up and brings his mom along. He apparently can’t go on dates unless she comes with him. So we are sitting at our own table eating, and I leaned over to show him something on my phone.

His mom gets up and marches over to our table and grabs my phone, shouting, “What are you showing my son?!” It was a funny puppy video. Reddit User: Castianity37

While some of these strange dates probably had you in awe, you’ll never believe the strange reasons why these people left a date early. From bringing a child to a bar to using drugs at the dinner table, these people share the most insane reasons why they decided to bail early…

Some people believe in love at first sight, but bad dates happen all the time. Whether the date was set up by a friend or you fell for someone’s (probably fake) dating app bio, meeting up with someone new can quickly go from exciting to yuck. Have you ever been catfished? That’s just one of the many problems with dating nowadays…. 

Another thing you have to think about besides being completely tricked is how to get out of the date if things really go south. Sometimes you might not feel very safe with your beau, and sometimes it’s been an hour and you’ve just heard enough about his obsession with Wolverine action figures without ever getting a word in edgewise. Whatever the case might be, these people sure ended their dates early…and for good reason.

Get Your Priorities Straight First

I was on a date with this guy, and he showed me pictures of his dog, who he affectionately named Flea Face. This dog was coated in fleas and looked like he had borderline mange. I instantly felt sorry for the poor dog. I told him to get him some kind of medicine as soon as possible and keep him on a flea preventative in the future….

And he said he couldn’t afford flea meds for his dog or his cat, which also happened to be in similar condition. He then proceeded to tell me how excited he was about his brand spanking new Xbox. Like how can you buy an Xbox instead of taking basic care of your dog? He obviously didn’t have his priorities straight. Reddit User: Avbitten

Don’t Be So Weird

I went on a date once and this girl would only walk five feet behind me. If I slowed down, she would slow down. If I stopped, she would stop five feet behind me. I figured I smelled, or she just hated me. Why else would she act so weird and not want to be near me? I noped out of there quick….

About three weeks later, she started sending those little chocolate bottles filled with liqueur to me with no note or anything. I got a box about once a month for about half a year. Never a note and never heard from her again after that. She was definitely quite strange. Glad I got out of that situation when I did. Reddit User: paulvs88 

First Impressions Are Important

I met a guy online. He immediately told me he lied about his age and then went on to rant about how women are so judgmental, so he has to lie just to get his foot in the door, so to speak. The thing is, he’d lied to make himself like four years younger. I definitely wouldn’t have picked up on it without him telling me….

It seemed to me he was maybe a bit insecure about being over 30 now. I suggested maybe lying wasn’t the best way to get in with someone, as it doesn’t make the best first impression; cue another rant about how women are so fixated on first impressions. I downed my coffee and noped on out of there. I sent a text later saying thanks but no thanks and got a lovely long text about how I wasn’t as pretty as my pictures and should lower my standards. Reddit User: [redacted]

Stalk Much

I met this guy on Tinder, which I probably should have avoided. A few days before the date, he had asked me to meet up, and I told him no because I was working on a project, so I said let’s meet in a couple of days instead. He told me on the date a few days later about what he’d done on the day we had that conversation….

He had sat outside the library for five hours, waiting for me to come out so he could see me/meet me for the first time. We had only been chatting for like a week. I left as soon as possible and never saw him again. I hadn’t even been working in the library; I was at a friend’s house. He just assumed I would be at the library. What the heck. Reddit User: cervidaes

 Dodging a Bullet

The date was going well. She brought up intimacy, talking about things she had done, wanted to do, and didn’t want to try. I shared my interests, and we were very nicely compatible. As we got even more comfortable, she said she could totally understand why other girls would accuse a man of molesting them if they willingly had slept with him but felt guilty the next day….

I asked her if she would ever do that; she honestly thought for a moment and said she could totally see herself doing that. I told her that I didn’t think the date was working out, and we should end it early. She said the restaurant sucked but we could hang at her place. I offered to pay for a cab. This upset her. I refused to leave the restaurant with her or give her a ride home. I stayed inside, chatting with the waitress until my date’s ride had picked her up and was out of the parking lot. Reddit User: [redacted]

 Shut Your Mouth

I ordered the vegetarian option. Didn’t make a big deal out of it; I never do. The guy proceeded to lecture me on how I must be deficient in everything and incredibly unhealthy due to not eating meat. I tried to shut that whole thing down by stating that I’ve been a vegetarian for the better part of two decades….

And that I know what I’m doing. I then attempted to change the subject. He spent the remainder of the meal waving his burger in my face, loudly chewing with his mouth open, and rambling about how “meat is tasty, tasty murder!” Of course, there was not a second date. He was quite rude, to say the least. Reddit User: [redacted]

 Rude Much

I’m a software developer. He started talking about how men are inherently more suited to quantitative work because of some garbage logic regarding how they had to be smarter/more analytical in order to hunt more efficiently or something. Then he heavily implied that I must be a diversity hire for my company and went on a rant about how affirmative action has made white men an underprivileged class…..

For some unknown reason, I finished out the date, but immediately after leaving, I sent him a text saying that his attitude disgusted me and never to contact me again. He responded by saying that he couldn’t possibly be sexist because, no joke, he “reads the Washington Post.” I blocked him after that. Talk about being full of yourself. Reddit User: [redacted] 

 Not the Boss of Me

I was on a date, and this guy was telling me about his younger sister, who he apparently gets along with very well. He mentioned that if he caught a guy checking her out that he’d make a scene about it to “defend” her. I asked how he would react if she was the one checking out a guy when they were out together….

And his response was that “she knows better than to do that kind of thing around me.” Also, when the bill came at the end, he paid without compromise and said that I would never have the option to pay if we were going places. That was the first and last date I went on with that guy. Reddit User: Moarisa

 Requirements

I was supposed to have a date on a Saturday night that I noped the heck out of. The guy told me that he would delete Bumble off his phone, which is a dating app, and date me exclusively if, at the end of the first date, I gave him some intimacy. That was his price for not dating other women….

Mate, I’d prefer you dated some other women and I didn’t have to go down on you after knowing you for two hours. He seemed to think that he should get points for honesty. Honesty is not that great if being honest shows that you have ridiculous requirements for the very first date. Good luck to whoever ends up dating that guy. Reddit User: JaniePage

 Not Missing Out on Anything

I met a guy through a friend telling him about me. He looked me up on Facebook and then asked me on a date. I’d gotten my hair cut the day before and hadn’t posted a photo on my page. As soon as I saw him, he started going on about how I was dishonest about my looks, and he was tricked….

I asked if it was because I looked better in the photos or if he thought I’d gained weight, etc. Nope. Just the four-inch haircut he wouldn’t get over. He just kept saying, “I hate when girls do this.” I suddenly had something more important to do that night. I’m actually pretty glad that it didn’t work out. Reddit User: sparksfIy

 Pass

In college, a buddy worked at an Italian restaurant and set me up with one of the waitresses. She was cute, funny, and smart. Then she asked if I’d drive her to her dealer’s house across town to get some substances. At first, I thought she was joking, but then she said, “He usually goes to bed around 11, so we have to hurry….”

And she gave me his address to put into my phone. I told her I wasn’t comfortable taking her to buy stuff and that I was just going to go home. She got mad and said I was a jerk. I went home and immediately blocked her number. My buddy said she got fired a few weeks later for showing up drunk. Classy! Reddit User: apocalypticradish

 Catfishing 

I showed up for my date with Ashley, who I’d been chatting with back and forth online. Sat down at the bar, and someone came and sat down next to me and said, “Hi, I’m Ashley.” I looked at a photo of what I assumed were Ashley and her ex-boyfriend and realized the person sitting across from me was the ex-boyfriend in the photo….

And that is how, as a straight man, I showed up for a date with a man. I somehow politely told the guy he was misleading and that he knew I thought he was the girl in the picture and what he was doing was deceitful. He had the gall to respond, “It’s okay, we can go after chicks together, and if we strike out, we can both still have a good time.” That’s when I told him to go screw himself and left. Reddit User: shortadamlewis

What the Actual Heck

Things were going okay. We had kissed and were snuggling really close, sort of groping. Alcohol had been involved. I usually don’t snuggle up that fast to first dates. We were talking about what we wanted out of a relationship, bits of our past that might be relevant. He seemed fascinated that I preferred girls but would date a guy if he was particularly cool….

He started asking a bunch of personal questions about when I found out I liked girls, when my first kiss was, etc. And then he asked when my breasts started growing (preteen). He asked if having a big chest made me aroused. No, I was a literal child. His voice was giving me the creeps. Like, way too into this line of questioning. Yeah, goodbye. Reddit User: daitoshi

 License or No License

I went on a date with a guy who, through text, seemed like my type, but not so much in person. I asked him if he could drive us to the theater to see the movie Jurassic World. We get in the car, and it’s completely obvious that this guy doesn’t know how to drive. He ends up abruptly changing lanes from the farthest left lane to the right….

He nearly gets us killed because he didn’t even bother to check his mirrors. Anyway, I tell him to pull over. I drive, but we’re already late for the movie, so we go back to my place and watch Orange Is the New Black on separate sofas. I then text my sister and ask her to call me and tell me she’s in trouble and needs me to pick her up ASAP. I never spoke to him again after that. Reddit User: [redacted]

 Not My Cup of Tea After All

It was one of my first online dates. She was very pretty, funny, liked baseball, and really knew her stuff. We went for a walk in the park and had a good time. How about dinner? Okay. The service was bad. I worked in retail most of my life, so eh, I get it, the waitress had a huge section….

Not a huge deal. We leave the restaurant, and my date drops the n-bomb to me while complaining about the service. She suggested our black waitress ignored us because we were white. See ya later, date over instantly. Not sure how that one filtered through; usually OKCupid is good at filtering out the racists based on the questions. Reddit User: [redacted]

 Mom’s Not a Match Maker

We were walking from parking to a theater and waited at a corner for the “walk” sign. It was cold and rainy. I said, “Brrr,” meaning that I was cold. This fool grabbed the lapel of my jacket, whipped it open, and, with feigned seriousness, said while studying my chest, “You don’t look cold.” I called my roommate to come and get me….

The worst part of it was that my mom had forced me to go out with the guy. He was the kid of a friend, and apparently, he had a crush on me for some time. What the actual heck kind of behavior is that when you’ve been waiting for a date with somebody? At least I never had to let my mom set me up on a date ever again. Reddit User: obscurityknocks

 Why Lie About Something Like That?

We have a really great first couple of dates. We go exclusive. She’s very cute, fun, likes the same things as I do, and is down for virtually everything. She tells me she has Leukemia. She asks if I’ll stay; this is like a month and a half into the relationship. Well, I really dig this girl, but we just met. I tell her it’s a lot to think about….

I get a text from a number I don’t recognize, and it turns out it’s a friend of this girl. She asks if she can call me. I talk to this friend; turns out the Leukemia is bullcrap, it’s a ‘test’ she pulls on guys and has done it like four or five times already. I guess she has a lot of mental issues and stopped going to therapy. I feel really bad, especially because I think other than this, the girl’s amazing, but I had to split with her. Reddit User: [redacted]

 Just a Nibble

On one of my first Tinder dates a couple of years back, we went to go hang out at her place and “watch movies.” We started making out, and she bit my face. Not zombie style, but it still hurt a lot and caught me totally by surprise. Like to the point where I thought she was like trying to attack me….

It was because she was uncomfortable or something. So I stopped and was like, “Man, I’m sorry!” And she looked at me like “What? Haha, why did you stop? Keep going.” We made out a little longer and she kept biting me. Needless to say, I ended up crashing at my place; that hurt, dude. I wasn’t really into it after the first time it happened. Reddit User: [redacted]

 Bored to Sleep

It was a double date set up with a friend. He was so boring and only talked about himself in a very monotone type of voice. I don’t think he asked me a single question. We ended up hanging out at my friend’s house after dinner, and she took her husband to bed to leave us alone. He kept droning on, and I actually fell asleep sitting on the couch….

He didn’t notice, and I woke up to him still talking about himself. I just said that I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and left. But apparently he enjoyed it, because he kept asking to see me again. If you hadn’t guessed already, he never got to see me again. I don’t think I’ll be having my friend set me up with a date again anytime soon. Reddit User: Cukimonster

 You Can’t Be Serious

It was from a few years ago, but I went on a Tinder date where we decided to meet at a local bar. We began to chat over a bottle of wine, and she started to tell me about her job as a preschool teacher. It turned out she worked at a Montessori School, and she really was passionate about it….

She told me that preschool education was really important, as making sure children got good preschool education could prevent them from having mental illnesses later in life like homosexuality. I looked at her, realized she did actually say what I thought she said and, unable to make up a decent lie on the spot, I told her that I actually didn’t feel great and was going to leave. Reddit User: [redacted]

A Little Too Soon 

I met this guy online. So we sit down at a restaurant, and he’s totally quiet and just sitting there smiling. I’m asking him things about himself, and he’s only giving me one-word answers. Then he suddenly asks me how many kids I want to have. Like that’s literally the first thing he asks me the entire time we’re sitting there….

The date lasted about 10 minutes, but I told him I had somewhere to be, flagged down the waiter to pay for my coffee, and promptly left. Thank you, waiter Markus, because that just made me totally uncomfortable, and I had to get out of there. That’s the first and only time I’ve ever walked out on a date. Reddit User: [redacted]

 No Thanks

The one and only time I let a guy pick me up for a first date was pretty strange. This is what happened: I got in his car, and he was playing what was clearly a Blink 182 song, but it wasn’t the original. I asked him who it was, and he proudly said, “Oh, that’s me.” So that was obviously a weird start….

Anyway, before we even got to the restaurant, he tried to touch my ears (they apparently looked cold to him), and he offered me drugs. I just told him to turn the car around and drop me back off, and I was done. He called me the next day ten times while I was at work and left me voicemails calling me rude things. Reddit User: FemmeDeLoria

 What Was She Thinking?

I had a date with a woman whose pictures did not match the person at all. I mean, they were of her, but old and probably hundreds of pounds lighter. When I met her, she also conveniently let me know that she’d just been to the doctor and was diagnosed with strep throat, but she hadn’t gotten her antibiotics yet….

I discreetly texted my sister and asked her to phone me and pretended there was a work emergency and that I had to go, then I went to leave. She wanted a kiss before I left…with strep throat. No thanks. I mean, who goes on a date when sick like that and then wants a kiss on top of that? Reddit User: Got_milk4

 Whole Lot of Nope

This annoying date was way before the Tinder days, like circa 2001, and my friend set me up with her then boyfriend’s sister. We go clubbing, and my date just starts chugging alcohol. She proceeds to tell me she just got off the streets after a 4-month stint of shooting substances. She tries to make out with me all night….

But I’m dodging her face like a rich kid during a war draft. On our way home, she can barely keep herself up and ends up opening the car door, not the window, while the car is in motion so she can stick her head out and puke. Before the date, I was really hoping I would lose my virginity that night, but she was just so full of nope. Reddit User: Never_Free_Never_Me

 Too Much for Me

I once went on a blind date with a lady from work’s stepdaughter. I knew they were a religious family, but I didn’t realize they were Pentecostals. We met at a restaurant, and I mentioned to her that I was in school for physics. She promptly told me that my education was bogus, physics isn’t real, the devil put dinosaur bones in the ground to test our faith, and Earth is only 6000 years old….

It was all the regular super aggressive stuff. I had already decided this was going nowhere when she wanted to pray for her meal, and that’s when it happened. She started yelling and “speaking in tongues.” She said the Holy Spirit had come over her. I was polite and prayed for the food, and as we walked out of the restaurant, I was ready to run, and she asked, “What are we doing now?” I told her I didn’t know what she was doing, but I was going home. Weirdest date I ever had. You can believe what you like, but you don’t need to be so aggressive about it. Reddit User: pmontgomery89

 That Was a Close One

I met this guy on Tinder. This dude invited me to come over after I got off work. He lived an hour away, and I got off work at 12:30 am. I told him that it probably wouldn’t work out because it would be almost 2:00 am when I got to his house. He said that it’s fine and just to come over and park in the back….

So I wouldn’t “bother the neighbors.” He refused to meet anywhere else but his house. I’d already made up my mind not to go, but I decided to look up the address he gave me anyway. He lived at the end of a dead-end street with no neighbors, surrounded by woods. Nope. Thank goodness I looked up his address and didn’t give him a chance. Reddit User: minorfall23

 Here Fishy Fishy

I had a date for Valentine’s Day. She invited me over to her house and told me to bring snacks. I was down to just chill, eat some snacks, and chat. I bought some cookies and headed over, and as I’m at the elevator, she texts me and says, “If you’re a catfish, I’m closing the door on you,” and I took it light-heartedly and just laughed it off….

Went up the elevator, and she was at the top, and she was a freaking catfish. She also had a messy apartment, wouldn’t even look at me the entire time, and she just watched Grey’s Anatomy for the 30 seconds I was there. She one-worded me the whole time before I just said, “Well, you can keep the snacks. I’m heading out, nice meeting you.” She texted me soon after apologizing and offered to take me out and told me she just had really bad Tinder experiences in the past. Not my problem. Respectfully declined and moved on. Reddit User: Aiyy

 Not Love at First Sight

I was at a club in VA, and there was this local band playing with a very good-looking lead female singer. I made eye contact, and she actually held my gaze. When she came off stage, we talked and agreed to go get some breakfast at a diner. While we sat and waited for our order, she started to bite her nails….

It wasn’t the best look, but I said meh. Then she actually started to chew her nails off (they were fakes) and spit them onto the floor. I excused myself to the restroom, went right out into the parking lot, and jumped in my car. I got the heck out of there as soon as I could. Reddit User: machocamacho88

 How Will This Play Out?

First, he just talked a bunch about football or baseball. Might have been soccer? I made it very clear that I was disinterested in the topic. He persisted. It was super boring. And he was probably 40 pounds heavier than his picture. He was legitimately upset that I was a fan of blood pudding. He asked if it was because I was a Twilight fan. But whatever, right?

Still, I have to be polite. Then boom. He was talking about the Middle East, and he used the phrase “burn the roots.” There was so much weird racism. He didn’t like black people, Middle Eastern people, or white people. I’m white. He asked me out. I don’t understand why. That guy was a human trash can. I really didn’t run. I just watched it all unfold. It was like a train wreck. I couldn’t look away. To this day, I’m very hesitant about online dating. Reddit User: TofuNuggetBat

 So Much for a Second Date

I took a girl on a second date to my favorite, and now permanently closed, bar. I had one drink. I counted five drinks for her before the below sequence of events took place. She tried to force me into an argument about religion and child-rearing. She threw her drink in my face. I tried to leave, and she demanded I drive her home. I said to get an Uber….

She eventually admitted to not having enough money in her bank account to afford the Uber home. She later called me the N-word (I’m white). I pay for the Uber, and she leaves. I go home and contemplate sterilizing myself. She texts me the next day, apologizing for her behavior, and asks if we can go out again. Heck no. She starts insulting me repeatedly via text until I block her number. Reddit User: Chingparr

 Not What I Expected

I had been talking to a guy for a while, and we finally agreed to go to his house for a date. He told me a couple of times before that he smoked, and I didn’t really care. So we’re sitting on his couch watching TV, and he’s like, “Do you care if I smoke?” and me, thinking it was just a cig, said, “Sure, whatever….”

And he pulled out a freaking drug pipe (or whatever it’s called) and started smoking hard drugs in front of me. I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t do anything but sit there and watch. I had no freaking idea he did drugs; apparently he was a new user, so it hadn’t really taken its effect on his appearance yet. I texted my friend and told her to call me, faking an emergency so I could leave. He texted me the next day and said we needed to chill again. I never responded or talked to him again. Reddit User: tinyspork

 Get Your Own Ride

I was on a blind date at a bar, and there were numerous red flags to start. Upon seeing me, the guy goes, “Nice!” At one point he called me “totally do-able” and asked if I wasn’t always hot or if I was ugly in high school. The point at which it ended was when he tried to convince me it was okay to say the N-word….

Mind you that we’re both white. He said it was okay because he “had two black friends.” I asked if this was a joke or prank date, and he honestly had no idea what he had done wrong. I ended the date; he walked out with me to the parking lot and asked for a ride home. Yeah, no. Reddit User: youngjean

 What on Earth Is Going On?

I had gone out with this guy, and we had a nice dinner. No sexual innuendo. Just first date chat. After dinner, we were driving back to the casino where I had left my car. We were driving up the garage, and I was facing out the passenger window while he was driving. I turned to say something to him, and he had his privates completely out….

And he was giving that thing a massage like his life depended on it. I just yelled, “What the heck are you doing?” He yelled back, “I don’t know!” I got out of the car and walked the rest of the way up to the garage. It made absolutely no sense to me. I never had any contact with him after that. Reddit User: Targrass

 Need a Book on Parenting

I once went on a date with a girl; she was a single mum, but she was pretty good looking. We went to a bar and were a few drinks deep. She kept checking her phone a lot, and halfway through the date, her ex pulled up with their kid and dropped him off with her….

She literally put the kid on my lap and went, “Next round’s on me.” I’m sat there looking at this kid on my lap like what the heck do I actually do. She comes back with two shots and two drinks. Next thing you know I’m doing a shot with a kid on my lap. I was like, “Is this not weird?” and she replied with, “Nope. I do this all the time!” I noped the heck out of there. Reddit User: kconjog

 Learn to Read First

I met a girl on OkCupid. The first date was going okay, but about 30 minutes into the date, she, out of nowhere, revealed she was assaulted by an African American male a few years prior and now holds a deep distrust of all black people because of it (she was white). When I told her I had dated a black woman before, she was disgusted and kept asking me questions….

Why would I do such a thing, those sorts of questions. She was also confused as to why I would have no racial preference in dating, which I had put down as an answer on my profile questionnaire. I’m not too sure if she had even really read any of my profile before agreeing to go on a date with me. Reddit User: MusickCAL

 Even During a Date

I had a date with a guy I met on OkCupid in 2011. He took me to dinner, and as we were waiting for a table, his phone rang, and he answered it. Okay, kind of rude, but whatever, it could be something really important. He got up and walked far enough away that I couldn’t hear what he was saying, and he was on the phone for like 15-20 minutes….

He finally came back and said, “Sorry, I had to take that. That was this girl I work with, and she calls me whenever she’s having a bad day, and I talk to her till she feels better.” I actually finished the date out of politeness, but there was definitely not a second. No interest in dating some other chick’s emotional tampon. Reddit User: nymphaetamine

 Not the One

Dude started the date by eating a potato at a restaurant, while he didn’t offer to buy me one. He then took me to a hookah bar and, while pointing at my scars, told me that he “didn’t like that.” And that I “should stop.” He took me to his apartment that he shared with his very, very depressed brother that he would not stop reminding me of….

For the record, I have no problem with mental illness, and he just talked about him like he had the flu. It was pretty messed up. Then we made out, he felt me up, and I realized that this sicko was not who I wanted to take my virginity. That was the end of my first date. Reddit User: lizzietee

 You Thought Correct

He took me to see a terrible band and kept telling me, “It’s the most indie you’ll ever get.” Then he told me I shouldn’t read the book I was reading because it’s a guy’s book, that I pronounced words wrong when I didn’t (he’s American, I live in the UK; we literally only have different accents), and he said something offensive about trans people (I’m trans!)….

He knew that before we went out. I got upset, and he told me my opinion was worth less than his because of my gender, age, and lack of higher education. When I then left and walked towards the train, he ran after me and asked, “You don’t want to give me any sexy time, do you?” I didn’t. Reddit User: Rorquall

While some of these stories probably left you in awe, just wait until you hear the reasons why these ex-lovers broke up. From breaking into their home to threatening violence, these ex-lovers reveal their craziest breakup stories ever…

Ever had to block a former beau on social media because they just flew straight off the handle after you two broke up? Parting ways with someone, whether after days, months, or years, is one of the toughest things about relationships. Unfortunately, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll have to have this tough conversation with someone at least once.

One thing’s for sure- relationships always turn out one of two ways: they either last forever, or they don’t. But sometimes, the parting isn’t amicable…at all. Whether one partner seeks revenge or just schemes to pull off something clever for revenge, breakups are rarely easy, and these people have come together to share the very worst of their breakup stories…

Cheetah Print Hair 

I was dating this guy who dyed his hair cheetah print. Something about that dye job changed him. Not over time, instantly. At lunch, I had to sit him down and have a talk with him about it. He took my hand and said I needed to accept him for the new person he was, which I guess was a cheetah or something, so I told him I had to set him free.

He looked at me with these knowing eyes, and that ended the most awkward 4-day relationship I’ve ever had. Reddit user: [redacted]

The Phone Call That Never Happened

Once, a woman broke up with me over a very weird conversation…that simply had not ever occurred. She was making references to it. The conversation was apparently over the telephone; I had called her at work. I was dumbfounded. I told her that I didn’t remember any of this, and I did not even speak with her that day. 

She refused to believe me and broke up anyway. That was dodging a bullet in my life if I’m being real. Reddit user: [redacted]

Dreams Really Do Come True

This girl must have believed she had some sort of sixth sense that presented itself in her dreams. My ex dumped me because she had dreams of me cheating on her, but in reality, I wasn’t cheating at all. She would spend the day being a total jerk for something I never did. She would give me the cold shoulder, and she wouldn’t let me hug or kiss her. 

Eventually, she dumped me and claimed the dreams were recurring, so it had to mean I was cheating on her. I’m happy that’s over. She was getting pretty crazy. Reddit user: [redacted]

The Airport Dump

I was engaged and went away for the summer to work at a school in Central America. On the day I returned, I had a layover in Houston on my way back to Portland. While sitting at my terminal, I was paged over the intercom to pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.

It was my fiancé paging me, at the airport, to tell me he couldn’t pick me up in Portland because he’d fallen in love with another woman. Our airport break-up was the last time I spoke to him. Reddit user: [redacted]

You’re a Cage, I’m a Bird 

Sometimes the weirdest breakups are the first ones we can remember. This occurred during my junior high years. Think early awkward preteens. Anyways, I was riding the bus home with my “girlfriend,” and we were awkwardly holding hands, and then her stop came up. She looked at me, grabbed my other hand, kissed my cheek, and said, “You are a cage, and I’m a bird.” 

“This is over.” And then she walked away, and that was the last time I conversed with her. Reddit user: [redacted]

He Didn’t Like Her Hair

I dated a girl in high school who was an “actress.” One day, she came to school with her hair in cornrows (for one of her plays, but I had no idea), and it was also dyed purple or pink. When I sat down with her at lunch, she asked me, in front of all of her friends, if I thought she looked beautiful. 

I said, “In all honesty, I preferred your older hairstyle.” She then proceeded to call me shallow (in front of all her friends) and broke up with me. Reddit user: [redacted]

Moved Across the Country

I met a really cute chick back in the days of MySpace. Hung out a number of times, everything was going very well and getting more serious, and then she didn’t call for a few days. I left a few messages but didn’t get anything until about two weeks later, when I got a call from a random number. 

Turns out one night she just up and decided to move across the country. Never quite understood that one. Reddit user: [redacted]

Laugh Through the Awkwardness

We were in high school, and I knew I didn’t feel the same way about him as he did about me, so I decided to end it. I asked him to drive me home from school; we parked for a minute, and I proceeded to try and tell him that it was over between us as far as the relationship was concerned.

The only thing is that sometimes I laugh when I get anxiety…and I mean hysterical, gasping laughs. It took me ten minutes to get my point across. He didn’t think it was funny. Reddit user: [redacted]

The Polyamorous Breakup

A few years ago, my husband and I got into a polyamorous relationship with another couple. (Everyone dated everyone individually while all together also). We lived together in one house. We shared a room and co-parented our kids. A few years down the track, my husband and I split. The other marriage split shortly after, and we remain currently in a living wife swap.

I don’t think I’ll ever have a worse breakup than losing my husband and my girlfriend in one hit. So yeah, that’s my worst. Reddit user: [redacted]

Take Their Dares Seriously

I’m all for going all-in on a dare, but this was too far. I ended up dating a girl for the second time after not being together for many years. Within the first month of being together again, she confessed to cheating on me because, while she was single, she made an “I dare you” with someone that the next time they met, they would get together. 

She tried for so long to convince me that I should forgive her because she “took dares seriously, even if it meant ruining a relationship.” Reddit user: [redacted]

Don’t Make a Scene

It was our one-year anniversary, and he took me to a very popular restaurant, on the patio, which faced onto a major street, on a Saturday night. We sat down, and he immediately broke up with me. I said something like, “Why on earth would you be so cruel as to do this in front of 200 people?”

And he said, “Oh, a friend said that I should do it in public so there wouldn’t be a scene.” That’s when I broke my wine glass and walked out. Reddit user: [redacted]

Slobber Lips Gets Dumped 

We all have to learn how to kiss, but this guy REALLY needed to learn how. Hopefully he peaked after high school. I was the first kiss of my second high school boyfriend. Needless to say, he wasn’t awesome at it. He’d kiss my cheek or hand at school, and it’d leave a slobber string up to his mouth.

It started to embarrass me, because he was clearly bad at it. I ended up breaking up with him because he hadn’t learned how to kiss better after a year, despite my attempts. Reddit user: [redacted]

Having an Affair

When I was 19, my dad forced me to break up with my boyfriend and threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn’t, claiming that he was “toxic, and long-distance relationships aren’t real.” A week later, it came out that my dad had been having an affair for 3 months, and then he left our family.

I got back together with that boyfriend, and we’re getting married this August. Things are good. Reddit user: [redacted]

Over the Kiss Cam

Just like a lot of people, I used to imagine myself with someone handsome, having a great time at some kind of sports event, and then the kiss cam would come onto us. We would kiss, and everyone would cheer. You know, something right out of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and that sort of thing.

We went to a Mets game, and the kiss cam finally came over to us. I leaned in, and instead of giving me a kiss, he leaned in and said, “We’re done,” got up, and left. Reddit user: [redacted]

Other Fish in the Sea 

It may be a good indication that your significant other is crazy if they name their pet after you. My now ex-girlfriend had pet fish in an aquarium, and after we’d dated for a while, she bought some new fish and named one of them after me. A couple of weeks later, we broke up.

Fast forward a week, and I get an email. From my crazy ex. It was an email without any text, but it had a picture. A picture of the fish named after me impaled on a fork. Reddit user: [redacted]

McDonald’s Out the Window

We were sitting in his car, and I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore. He began to cry hysterically and was banging his head on the headrest in the car; he said I was such a horrible person and wanted to know how I could “break his heart like this.” 

He abruptly stopped crying, looked me square in the eyes, picked up the McDonalds food he bought, and rolled down the window. He said, “If you don’t want my love, you don’t get to eat” and threw the bag out the window. Reddit user: [redacted]

Shards of Glass 

I finally broke up with her after she cheated on me in her room at her house (so I could leave rather than try to get her to). When I said it, without even thinking about it, she grabbed her jewelry box and chucked it at her window. Then she started grabbing chunks of broken glass and throwing them at me. 

After she found out that I had told people about it, she went even crazier and came to my house one night to throw a barbecue through my bedroom window. Reddit user: [redacted]

She Laid Down on a Busy Street 

Remember that sweet scene in The Notebook where they lie down in the street? This isn’t the same story. Back in high school, I asked my then-current girlfriend to meet me at the park for a talk; this was before we could drive. After I broke up with her, she proceeded to lie down in the middle of the street (not a quiet one either) and told me she wasn’t getting up until I took her back. 

It was at that point that I congratulated myself on my decision and walked away. Dodged a bullet. Reddit user: [redacted]

My Ex Became a Stalker

One of my exes became a super stalker. He somehow followed me in his car after I hung out with friends, forced my car to the side of the road with his car angled in front of mine, and approached my car saying, “Hey, can we talk?” with a smile. I rolled the window down less than an inch and said, “No, please leave.”

He kept trying to talk to me, and I continued to just ask him to leave. He finally did. Creepiest experience in my life. Reddit user: [redacted]

600 Miles Away

He got another girl pregnant, so I broke up with him. He then proceeded to call non-stop, kidnap (catnap) my kitty, and text me death threats. I ended up getting my kitty back, and he chased my car down the street screaming my name. I moved 600 miles away and haven’t dealt with him since.

It’s one thing to mess with a person, but to also steal their cat? I feel like that guy had a little more to worry about than a breakup. Reddit user: [redacted]

He Wrote Stories 

An ex of mine carved my name in his arms in an effort to guilt trip me. He also told my current significant other, who I started dating a few months after the breakup, that he’d kill himself to haunt him and wrote stories (which he put online) in which he horribly murdered me…and still somehow figured I’d take him back.

Last I heard, he was institutionalized for a while. It’s a shame they didn’t keep him there; if he wasn’t such a melodramatic loser, I might have feared for my safety. Reddit user: [redacted]

Sought Revenge 

During the breakup with my ex of five years, she told me she was disgusted with me physically, and that is why we did not have intimacy anymore (it was a nasty breakup). Well, me being the irrational person I am, I decided to prove to her in a ridiculous manner that I was in fact not disgusting.

I began a year and a half campaign to hook up with all of her past and present friends. I mostly succeeded, being able to get with about 75% of them. Reddit user: [redacted]

 12-Hour Bus Ride

 I broke up with a guy who I was in a long-distance relationship with (we were teenagers, and his parents moved away). He stole money from his parents, took a bus for 12 hours to get to the city I lived in, and broke into my house in the middle of the night, all while I was actually there, asleep. 

He then proceeded to cut his wrists in my kitchen and said he was going to kill me too, but he was too weak after cutting his wrists to hold the knife, so I was able to call for help. Reddit user: [redacted]

 No One Forgets Me 

My senior year of high school, I dated a guy who had been a good friend since freshman year. We had a lukewarm relationship, but it was pleasant. Then, on our two-month anniversary (at the time, it seemed like quite the commitment), he dumped me over coffee, saying that he sometimes forgot I was his girlfriend. 

I jumped into my car, and right before I slammed the door shut, I yelled, “No one forgets me!” as it started to rain. The whole boring relationship was worth it just so that I could experience such a cinematic moment. Reddit user: [redacted]

He Just Can’t Let Go 

My ex ripped a picture off the wall that he’d made for me. Then he ripped it into pieces, and on the way out, drew a question mark on it and left it on the front door of my building. Then he called me and screamed at me while driving off. I could still hear him for quite a ways into the distance. 

Then he called my parents and told them they could no longer be in contact. Then he started to stalk my Facebook so he could make fun of everything I did on his web journal. Reddit user: [redacted]

Poke Needles

I had a girlfriend when I was 18 with crazy eyes, but I just ignored it until she started talking about having a kid together. Well, one day I walked into my room, and I caught her poking holes in our condom stash with a tiny needle. We got in a huge fight and broke up after that.

Two days later, I came home, and she had broken into my house, took like 30 aspirin, and was lying on my bed convulsing, covered in pictures of me. Teenage girls are crazy. Reddit user: [redacted]

Faking a Pregnancy

I think my best friend wins the crazy breakup story competition. Her boyfriend broke up with her, and she wanted him back. She decided to pretend that she was pregnant with his baby. She printed out ultrasounds from the internet and showed his entire family. He let her move in with him, and they got back together. 

She was trying to get pregnant since, you know, they were expecting a baby in 8 months. She eventually did get pregnant two months later. They’re still unhappily together with a 4-year-old. Reddit user: [redacted]

 She Wants the Grill Back

I was dating this girl, and after dating for about three months, she bought a George Foreman grill for my apartment. It was the best thing ever. My roommates and I cooked so many hot dogs and burgers on that thing. It was unbelievable. When we broke up, she demanded I give it back, so I obliged. 

The next day, she had thrown the George Foreman through the windshield of my car, successfully destroying my car and the George Foreman. No more hot dogs or driving. Reddit user: [redacted]

 Well That Didn’t Work 

It’s not always the case that you have a story of a crazy ex to tell; sometimes you are, regrettably, that crazy ex. Man, this makes me sound like a jerk but…in high school, this girl broke up with me at her house. I went outside in my car, in front of her house, and pretended to cry on my steering wheel.

I was hoping she would come out to console me and maybe take me back. She didn’t. I sat out there for about an hour. I finally drove home and actually did cry. Reddit user: [redacted]

Now They’re Married

Sometimes we break up, and there is a part of us that feels like it’s a mistake. It probably isn’t, but we feel that it is. This is one of those outlandish cases. When a girlfriend of mine and I just started dating, after a week, she dumped me. Three minutes after she dumped me, I asked if she wanted to make out still. 

She was puzzled at this, but needless to say, fast forward 8 years; we’re married with two kids. So yeah…that’s about as ridiculous as I get. Reddit user: [redacted]

 I Hope You’re Happy

I was dating this girl really briefly, and I went to her house for the first time since we had gotten together. When I got to her house, I got bit and scratched by her cat, so naturally, I disliked the cat. Fast forward 4 months later; I hadn’t talked to her in that time span. 

I got a random call of her sobbing saying, “I hope you’re happy. My dad ran over my cat; she’s dead. I know you didn’t like her!” I told her that sucked and hung up. Reddit user: [redacted]

 That Escalated Quickly

Well, I walked in the door and told him it was over. He seemed cool about it. He then offered to give me a ride home. He drove past my street and told me we needed to go for a ride and talk more. So he was driving me around crying and telling me he thought I was making a big mistake. 

I was yelling at him that he was kidnapping me when he pulled into a church parking lot and threw up out the door. I got out of the car and walked home. Reddit user: [redacted]

 Sorry Mom

This story makes me cringe the most. I told an ex-girlfriend that it wasn’t working between us because she had become way too emotionally attached way too quickly. Two days later, she posted about 10 pictures of me naked on my mom’s Facebook wall. My mom, at this point, still thought I was very innocent and hadn’t even kissed a girl. 

It led to some really awkward “use a condom” conversations. The pictures included me holding a whip. Reddit user: [redacted]

 He Sat There Sobbing

I finally got the guts to break up with my first long-term boyfriend. He had cheated on me multiple times, lied like crazy, and took advantage of me over and over. I got tired of giving him “second chances.” When I finally told him it was over, he showed up at my house and started to beg on his knees in my driveway.

He was SOBBING like a small child. Snot running down his nose, the works. I literally stood there laughing at him. It was amazing. Reddit user: [redacted]

 Just a Little Too Late 

I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend after dating for 3 years. He never showed interest in getting to know my family or friends, which was a huge factor in the decision to break up. You can like me all you want, but you need to at least have a passing interest in how I live my life.

Afterwards, still living in the same town as my parents, he would just show up for dinner, as if he suddenly gave a crap about them. They were freaked out; it was far too late anyway. Reddit user: [redacted]

 They Were COUSINS 

About five years ago, I was in a relationship with some hot chick I met at a party. I hooked up with her that night, and it seemed that we had something special. We had been going out for about four months when I took her to my house for Christmas to meet my family and friends who were having a party.

Turns out, they knew her. She was a distant cousin. I broke up with her, and that wasn’t even the worst part. She still wanted to date. No. We’re family. Reddit user: [redacted]

Parents As Mediators 

I was 21 and was dating an 18-year-old. When I pulled the plug, she made me come over for a sit-down with her parents to help work out our “problems.” After 5 minutes, her dad (way cool dude who knew his daughter was crazy) was like, “Well, sounds pretty clear to me that you need to let it go.” 

So I leave to get in my car, and next thing I know, the crazy chick jumps on my hood! Her father had to pull her off my car hood. I could not drive away quick enough. Reddit user: [redacted]

Purse Shopping

There are many forms of psycho, but this girl seemed to have a specific kind. I went on a blind date with a girl, and everything went well. She was really pretty and held great conversation. She asked me the next day to go purse shopping with her. I said no, as I did actually have other plans. 

She freaked out and began telling me she loved me, how I broke her heart, and that she was breaking up with me. Thank goodness she left it at that. Reddit user: [redacted]

 They Had to Talk Him Off a Roof

This particular breakup was in high school, when I broke up with my boyfriend of MAYBE 2 months over the phone. I had my mom drive me to his house because he sounded so upset, and I wanted to check on him. We arrived to find him on the roof of his one-story house threatening to jump off and end it all. 

My mom, his parents, and I stood outside the house for at least an hour until he finally climbed down. Reddit user: [redacted]

Her Vacation 

My girlfriend of 2 years in high school just got back from vacation and broke up with me. She informed me it was my job to inform my parents, and she would appreciate it if I did it after she left. She then walked out of my room, sat down next to my parents, and started joking with them, talking about her awesome vacation. 

I just stood there in shock and full of tears. I walked out and informed them; she yelled at me and ran out. What the heck? Who does that? Reddit user: [redacted]